Stuck In Love

At last, its over

Kian's P.O.V

After texting Andrea and getting denied again i knew it was done. We were done. I couldn't get it through my head how easily she could move on without trying to fix it, i guess it was finally over. The day had finally arrived.

I managed to go out and do the show for Dallas without nothing holding me back. If i was touring i might as well make it a good experience and give it my all for everybody who came out to see us.

A couple of days passed and we were now in New York.

A lot of things had occurred throughout the past days. I mean it was a group of guys, its obvious things would occur...at least for the sake of our YouTube videos.

Tour was going great, perfect id say. Other than the fact that i wasn't legal to drink and go out to bars with Jc and Dom, it was going good.

I made the mistake of going through my social media and making my way down to her Instagram. Sometimes i wished i wasn't allowed to even touch her page. Just by glancing at a few pictures i remembered everything we did together.

She was the one for me. She was mine. I needed her to be mine again. But then again, was it worth it? I know shes worth it, but does her feelings match mine? 

I locked my phone and threw it across the room making it land in my bed. I had to stop! At least for my own good.

As of now my life was a complete disaster. Other than the fact that i was touring i didn't know what exactly i was doing with my life. I literally lost the only chance i had with Andrea, which is what i consider my whole life. 

I was so tempted into texting her and repeating to her that i loved her, that i would return back to L.A right now just to be able to fix things... just to be with her, but i managed to stop myself. One, because this tour was VERY important to me. Two, fans all over the world waited just for this day to see me, to see all my achievements. And three, because i was scared...scared i would get denied once again and regret EVERYTHING! 

My thoughts haunted me every second...every minute that passed. I wanted to hear her voice for one last time. I wanted her to say she missed me. I wanted everything to go back to normal. But some things never go the direction we want it to go and that's how life is....sadly. 

I felt my eyes water and i couldn't believe how vulnerable i felt. How weak i looked. And this was all caused by one person. A person who owns my heart. A person who i truly love. A person who will never understand how much i regret breaking up with her. Even though i know i was the one to do wrong, i wished she could forgive me. I wished nothing ever happened and we were still together.

"Yo, what's wrong?"

I looked up and saw Jc half drunk and y'all won't even understand how much i wished that could be me at the moment.

"Nothing...", i looked away trying to wipe any tears i had circling my eyes.

"It's Andrea, huh?"

Jc knows me so well, not only because we live together, but because he understands me. 

"I know i know, i'm dumb but Jc i can't....i can't manage to move on", i state.

"Kian, you don't have to move on right now or tomorrow or in 2 years but if you sit here and think about her all day you definitely will NEVER forget her."

"But, i can't...i always manage to think about her. Everything reminds me of her...."

"Here", he said handing me his beer can which was half empty.

I got a hold of it and chugged it down. This is exactly what i needed.

~~~

Waking up the next morning i felt a headache run through my head. Today was going to be hell since we had a show tonight. 

I unlock my phone and saw it was 12:24 pm.

Next, i checked snapchat and re-watched everything i had posted. I was so drunk last night. Too drunk  to even remember what all happened last night. And then i received a message that i was never expecting. It was her. Andrea.

'Kian, please just stop.  We both know what will happen if you do return. Stay in tour and have fun. At least do it for your fans. Delete my number please.'             

I was confused because i literally didn't remember anything. I re-read all the messages and i felt like a complete idiot...once again. I had texted her so many things talking about how much i loved her and she had the nerve to tell me to delete her number???? This was it! I don't plan in begging her anymore. As a matter of fact i'm done for good....for my own good.

'Don't flatter yourself...i was drunk last night as you might have known. I'm done now Andrea. Have a good life. FYI your number never got that far.....'

If that wasn't cruel than i don't know what could of been. But, i'm officially done. I'm done begging her. I'm done looking like an idiot just because i'm in love like an idiot.

Not even two minutes later she responded and that's how i knew i had hurted her once again.

'Never once did when it came to you...once a liar always a liar. Anyways nice to know since lately it seems like i'm the only contact you have, but i'm going to leave it at this. Bye Kian have fun and enjoy tour since we both know what will happen from today and on...'

And just how i thought i had hurt her, she hurted me even more.

'Whatever rows your boat baby girl ;) don't get ahead of yourself...my name isn't Andrea' , and as soon as i pressed send i regret it so much. Why was i such an asshole to her knowing i loved her and i promised i would never hurt her again.

'Sounds about right...i don't brake up with my boyfriend to go f**k around during tour. Kian just forget about me the way i forgot about you...' , and that was the text that made me realize i had officially ruined any chances, if any, with her.

After the back and forth messages with Andrea i had decided to turn off my phone. I wasn't really in the mood to see anything. I had told Jc what had happened and all i got from him was on how much of an idiot i was. I knew i did bad texting her in the first place and even worse everything i told her.

Finally, it was time for the show and this was definitely going to take my mind off of things. Of course i hadn't had much luck because all i could  think of was how much of an asshole i was. And you know me, i had to fix this. I made the decision to call her and apologize for EVERYTHING, but i wasn't sure if she would answer me so called her in private.

"Hello?", her sweet but cracked voice said through the phone.

"Please don't hang up", was the first thing i blasted and in return she sighed.

"Kian, what do you want?", she sounded annoyed, but she also sounded like she had been crying all day.

"I'm sorry...Andrea i'm sorry", i repeated. "I know i was such an asshole, but i feel so bad...baby please..."

There was silence for a moment and i recognized the silence, at this moment i knew she was trying to hold back every tear that tried to escape.

"I promised you i wasn't going to hurt you again so i'm sorry...because i know i did and baby i wish i could run to you right now and show you how much i regret everything", i continued.

"K...kian", she nearly whispered.

"Andrea please just tell me you forgive me..tell me you still love me like i do."

"Kian...please just stop. Just leave me alone...", she sobbed and it hurted me even more just by hearing her say that.

"Andrea..no...can we please just talk...", i  said my voice sounding as cracked as hers.

There was a silence before she ended the call and my heart got broken into a million pieces.