Caught

Fifteen

I lay on my back staring at the white ceiling above me, I don't quite know what Harry's feeling are towards me but I'm pretty positive that what I feel for him isn't just a friendship. His breath is calm next to me, his eyes are shut. I should ask him, shouldn't I? I need to know if what I'm feeling is true. The words struggling to leave my mouth they will either bring us closer,  or destroy us. I muster up all my confidence and let everything out, starting with the simple question that's been dying to leave my lips.

"What are we?" I bite my tounge once they're out, breaking my silence. My voice sounded strained, scared almost.

His eyebrows furrow as he turns his head to me opening his eyes, a deep piercing green bores into my brown ones. As much as I want to turn away, I can't I need to stand my ground and be strong. He clears his throat, a deep rumble coming from within. Although what happens next, is what I dreaded hearing.

"Friends." friends. Thats all he says, I feel as though something has been popped inside of me. How can we only be friends after everything that has happened. I search his face for something, anything to show that he's joking. I find nothing, he has turned his head back to facing the ceiling. I take a sharp intake of breath as I prepare my next words.

"B-but.. how can you say that, I thought-" He cuts my off, I'm slightly taken back from his laughter. Why is he laughing,  "is something funny?" I glare at him slightly disgusted, this isn't funny I'm being dead serious.

"You thought we were together didn't you?" His tone is humorous,  tears prick at my eyes, threatening to fall. No, not this time. He is not seeing me cry, not over this.

I did I honestly thought something sparked between us, but I guessed wrong. I bite my lip and sit up. "No, no I didn't." I don't know who I'm actually trying to convince, him or myself. He reaches up to grab my shoulder and turn me to him, I become fridged from his touch. Something so familiar, yet ever so distant. I pull away and put my head in my hands, shaking it slightly. "I thought nothing of us." my voice is muffled by my hands. I expect him to deny my words,  say there was something,  but I always seem to think wrong.

"Niether did I." He says with not bit of emotion threaded in his voice, he gets up and walks to the door grabbing his clothes on the way. I watch in awe as he shuffles his pants up his legs and walks out of the dorm, without a look back and slamming the door behind him.

I hadn't realized my mouth was wide open, in total shock. What the hell just happened. I swallow hard squezzing my eyes shut, almost as an attempt to leave this world. Then I'd have to live in my mind, when im already drowning in my thoughts as it is. I'm expecting tears to be flowing down my cheeks, but nothing comes. I'm confused, why am I not bawling my eyes out? I try to push the tears out that had threatened to fall earlier,  but nothing comes.

Not a single tear sheds.

I pad over to the door, opening it slightly sticking my head out. I was hoping to see Harry sitting out here waiting for me to come out after him, but no one is there.

He left.

I'm alone.

I have not a clue why I am searching for him, maybe it's because he was all I had. I had noticed this before, but never thought anything of it.. because of Harry I never socialized,  I had never made any friends at this dreadful place.  I feel as if I've been slapped with reality, and fell hard from the impact.

Was what I felt for Harry real, or simply me being infactuated with his attention? I have no idea, I don't even know what to feel anymore. Everything I had ever felt was Harry and only Harry. He pulled me through the dark, I felt alive with him. Now as of this moment I feel dead, zombie like. I'd lost him briefly before, but this... I truly felt this one. Normally I would hide away, listen to music or even... cut. I'd used these to escape for small amounts of time, living in my own self pity. However this time I knew deep down that there was no escaping, I was stuck here... emotionless. I was scared. I knew I was, scared of what would become of me.