i'm // not // okay ☼ f.i. + g.w.

II

"what's your name?" he asked quietly his eyes trained down onto the worksheet resting on the desk in front of him.

"gerard, you?" i asked rolling my pencil between my fingers. the sound of wood scrapping against wood echoed through my ears.

"frank." he whispered almost inaudible over the commotion of the classroom. his voice was raspy, yet soft, like he spoke with all the compassion in the world because somebody somewhere told him he couldn't.

we worked quietly together, never saying more than what was needed. in some weird way it was perfect. like a scene straight out of a movie.

the way he bit his lip, pulling his lip ring in and out of his mouth, trying to concentrate on the questions. the way his brow furrowed when he couldn't remember the answers. and how his eyes would squint shut whenever he was thinking. the way he looked up at me with a shine in his eyes whenever i said his name.

he was truly beautiful and i couldn't help but stare.

"is there something on my face?" frank asked half amused. his voice was louder and the look on his face told me he hadn't meant it to be. i smiled at him and shook my head.

"no there's nothing." he blushed and bit at the end of his pencil adding the the hundreds of tiny dents from previous bites.

the bell rang loudly and frank flinched, closing his eyes a moment before opening them and quickly grabbing his bag as he bolted out of the door.

"do you need a ride?" i asked when i caught up to him a couple minutes later. i tried to catch my breath as we walked out of the building, the fall wind blowing through my clothes and ruffling my hair.

frank looked around, squinting his eyes like that helped him to see whatever he was looking for.

"actually," he shoved his pale, tattooed, hands into his pocket with a shiver, "if it's not a problem." he looked up at me, an almost scared expression caressing his face briefly before it fell back to its emotionless state.

"it's not." he nodded slowly and i led him to my old beat up car. we got in and i turned the ignition putting it in reverse before backing out of the parking space. i watched as he picked at the chipped nail polish coving his thumb and stared blankly out of the window.

"this where you live?" i questioned looking over at franks dull expression.

"yeah." frank bit his lip and hesitantly placed his hand on the door handle.

"it's nice." i added looking back towards the light grey wood casting a dark shadow over the perfectly mowed green grass.

"do you want to come in?" i turned to look at him. a sliver of hope was in his eyes and i almost forgot what he had asked. a soft smile was playing on his lips as i shook myself out of the daze and answered him.

"sure."

the room was dark and cold as i followed behind franks small frame. he led me up the tall stairs and to his bedroom.

the walls, curtains, carpet, everything was black. i imagine that's how he found comfort. being in a place that looked like exactly how you felt. i felt right at home, safe, secure, as i sat down on the edge of the bed.

frank fiddled with his sleeve as he sat down next to me. i looked around at the posters and pictures covering the walls, adding just a splash of color to the dark atmosphere.