A messed up teenage diary

3/3/17

7:30 am, in the library

I'm staring at the carpet and looking at the texture and color. The blues and greens were faded, some of the carpet was stained pretty bad. 

Should I be here? Does anybody like me? Probably not. All I am is some girl who's 16, 5'1", and has a head as clear as static on a tv. My hair is messy, brown, curly, and thick. I wear a lot of black. And I can be pretty aggressive. 

Did I do my homework? Uh oh. No, I didn't. I had homework from Japanese all week and didn't do any of it. This is really bad. What if they kick me out of that class?? Those kids are like my brothers and sisters. I've known some of them since kindergarten. Why didn't I do my homework? Oh, I was too busy dealing with my emotions. 

9:45 am, in art class

Art class is my least favorite class. Sure, I love drawing. It's the only thing I'm good at. But art class is not fun for me. All around me there are kids shouting, yelling, throwing things, laughing really loud, talking, and making me anxious and overwhelmed. My shoes are on the tile floor, with my left leg bouncing rapidly. I am looking at a blank page in my sketchbook. Sighing, I tap my pencil on my desk. 

Glancing up, I see Brianna looking at me. I can't tell what she's thinking. I don't know if she's mad or just tired or zoning out. I sort of nod and look back down at my sketchbook. I don't want to be here. I want to go home and play guitar or drums. Or just lie down on the kitchen floor with my dog and sleep. Anything besides being here. 

----

3:18 pm, at home

I get home and am greeted by a wonderful pupper. He wags his tail, squeaks his toy, and makes little growling sounds that are so cute. Walking into the kitchen, I see the dishwasher needs to be unloaded. I took an empty milk carton out the recycling bin, threw it on the ground, and Kuro attacked it like it was his mortal enemy. 

That'd keep him distracted long enough so I could get the dishes done. 

I finish the dishes and sit down at the table. My backpack is beside me, but I don't open it and start my homework. Instead, I grab it, pet my dog, and head upstairs towards my room. 

Kicking off my shoes, taking my pants off, and my underwear, I put my backpack under my desk. I snatched a fresh pillow case from my closet. My Bluetooth headphones are soon on, and I go straight to porn hub. Quickly, I browse for something I can use mainly for auditory stimulation. Finding something, I click on it and fold a pillow in half. Straddling the pillow, I turn my headphones on. 

My parents aren't home. So they won't hear me moaning upstairs. 

Wish I could do this more often but I'm not home alone very often. So, I need to take advantage of every second I have to pleasure myself and release stress and anger and other emotions built up over the past week or so. 

9:49 pm, in room

I'm looking at the bright computer screen in front of me, reading what I've just written. I didn't like it, but I couldn't make it any better. I feel depressed. For no real reason. But depression is like that. I have a sudden urge to go eat cereal and clean my room. ADHD is like that. 

I put everything away, turn off my lamp, turn over and drift to sleep.