A messed up teenage diary

3/31/17

3:17Pm

I was sunbathing with my dog out back. I always look at him and wonder what he's thinking. Does he understand my facial expressions? Does he know I love him? What family member is his favorite? Hope it's me. Probably not.

His fur was black and shiny. So nice. I scratched behind his ears. He licked my hand. I listened to him breathe. His chest moved up and down. His eyes were closed.

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We're at McDonald's. I hate it here. I decided to be adventurous and get a fish sandwich. We aren't stopping at In N Out which really sucks. That was the main thing I was looking forward to on the ride there.

Oh yeah. I'm going to Ashland to see my friend. Her name is ShyAnne.

McDonald's is a hell. There is some outside seating and a playground at this hell. And my greasy little brother insisted we sit outside.

I was standing in line with my Dad and there was a cute boy sitting at a table a couple yards from me. He looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. Another boy Sat down next to him. He was attractive as well. I wonder if they were aware I thought they were cute. Probably not. Did they find me attractive? Probably not.

The first boy had Brown hair that was quiff styled. My favorite style. The other boy had blonde hair that was short and brushed to the left. He had silver glasses on. A nerdy sort of attractive.

But I hit myself in the face mentally, I had a boyfriend. Andy. He was awesome. Our relationship is basically memes and that awkward phase right after you become official. It didn't matter too much. We were both happy. He doesn't know about my past. I don't know much about his. But we knew our favorite memes. To us, that was important.

Andy is funny and a lot of fun. Strong. Not like buff. Not even super muscular. But he was strong to me. Video games were his main interest. I don't know a lot about them but sitting next to him and listen to him talk about Fall Out or the Forrest or Black Mesa was nice. He is getting me into pink Floyd. And I'm trying to get him into Sum 41. We both love Metallica.

He's getting his hair cut soon. And I hope he gets a quiff like style. It's sorta long which I've never been a big fan of, but it isn't terribly long. Just a bit much.

Maybe I'll tell him about my past eventually.

I was sexually abused and raped multiple times by this boy that lived next to me. I was 7-9 years old. He was 11 or 12 or something along those lines.

Only Meliyah knows about it. At times I regret telling her. Mostly because I don't like telling people things.

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5:46Pm

We're supposed to arrive around 7. I don't hate being in the car. It's just boring. Yeah, I know. Not the biggest revolution ever. But it is boring. I don't have my sketchbook with me.it's in the trailer. Along with a deck of cards. Sure, the scenery is nice. Trees and fields and hills. It's all beautiful. But, I see it so often that it gets kind of boring.

I wonder if Andy and I will stay together for... Forever. I don't know. Our religious stance isn't the same. That's the only thing I can think of that would ever bother me.

Maybe the more time he spends with me the more he will join the church group. Eventually, if he keeps going, he'll find a friend there that he connects with.

Unfortunately, it's only hope. But a girl can hope. Can't she?

I kinda feel depressed. More or less numb. I've probably just been in my own head too long. And the light is long gone. Lay my head down, close my eyes, sleep away the night. Maybe once I'm out of my own head I'll find where I belong.

Sick bars. I know.

Living in the 90's would've been cool.

I want to open an animal cafe. That's one of my dreams. Maybe one day I will.

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7:44Pm

We're here. Finally made it to the RV park. I'm.on my period so I'm a bit on edge and my parents are being irritating. Kinda their job, though, I guess.

Dad is upset becAuse I'm not hungry. Excuse me for being forced to eat greasy food. Ugh. Maybe I'll have a bite or two. I'm kinda upset I'm not hungry. Because I've been hyped to eat there.

I feel like I miss someone. But I don't know who. And it sucks. Maybe it's Meliyah. Maybe it's Shy. I want to see Meliyah, but she just HAD TO MAKE PLANS WITH CASSY.