A messed up teenage diary

3/15/17

7:00 pm

Youth Group

I open my eyes and I see a dim room with about a dozen other kids. All of them are probably better than me. Mich is playing the guitar and singing. He loves to do that. So happy. It was really good to see him like this. He was a middle school teacher. So playing guitar and praising was his free time.Dante was playing the drums. I was jealous that he was playing instead of me. I should be up there. But I was too shy and was scared I'd mess up and never hear the end of it.Standing there, I felt overwhelmed. Everything was pretty loud and I didn't like it but I sucked it up and sang with everyone else. All the other kids seemed really happy or enjoying themselves.Not that I wasn't enjoying myself, but I was so tired and wanted to crawl know bed and never get out until I was completely rested. Wasn't exactly depressed. The mood was...gray. That was the best way I could describe it. Sorta wasn't numb but was also numb. I've become so numb I can't feel you there....something something..more aware..Hearing the drums and the guitar in sync made me happy. Okay, I'm not happy. But it was music to my ears. Literally.Mich migrated us to the couches and began a discussion on Acts. I looked around. There was Zach. He was quiet but the kind of quiet where if you say something to him he will laugh and respond but that is about it.Jenny was a few seats away from him. Jenny is very pretty and better than I am. She played sports, was kind, bubbly, boys liked her. Sorta made me jealous. She was so kind to everyone and when we talked, which was rare, she acted like we were friends. Jenny wasn't fake or anything. Not in that way.Next to her was her sister Jasmine. She preferred Jazzy. Jazzy was younger by about two years. She was nice but I didn't really talk to her. Maybe it was the age difference.Johnathon and Hannah were together on the green couch. They recently became regulars at youth group. Johnathan was homeless, and Hannah was sort of homeless. They came here early because Mich served ramen and stuff like that for the early comers. So they got to eat. Poor kids. They both went to my school.Amy was two seats away from me. Amy was so sweet and kind. Just all around a wonderful girl. And Delilah sat between Amy and I. Delilah was just like Amy. To my left was Delilah's, Jazzy's and Jenny's older brother. Jose. He was 18. I think. Cool dude. Pretty chill. Yeah.