Love Could Last Forever

Chapter 29

January 6, 2015.
Today is back to school, I walk into school hoping that I'd see Justin and there he was. I call out, "Justin...I need to talk to you." He turns and answers, "What?"
"I want to know...why, or more likely, what did I do." He doesn't answer, just looks down at the floor. I ask again, "Why?" He finally answered, "Because, I never wanted to be with you, I...I never loved you." He walked off, as I stood there watching him walk off, many thoughts run through my head. Sadly one was death. I sit in homeroom and I tell my self I'm being too dramatic, I need to calm down. Until I put my head on my desk, unhappy I don't lift it again as someone calls my name. I don't like it here anymore. After school I walked to the park, looking to the tree on my left.  There it was,  the first place we met. I walked toward the woods and as I entered there I see the spot of my first kiss, and it's more beautiful the last time I was here. I looked at the cabin, I remembered his birthday party. I feel lost inside the more I remember.  As I get home I look through the mail to find the news paper, and I read the cover: Teenager fell into a pit, known dead. I think this world is cruel, I turn to the date of the page it was 3 days ago. I turn to the news to see everything happening today, to find a kid was murdered yesterday. I walk into my room, turn the music up and read, until I get a message from Christina it says, "Carlos are you okay?" I hate that question, no one is ever "okay." I answer back, "yeah I'm fine." I didn't get a reply, so I went back to reading. I remember back at lunch I sat down at his table, I mean I am there, with friends. I became more and more friends with them, already Luna is my best friend. I close my eyes, and I fall asleep, as my eyes are shut, I see myself, I guess I'm dreaming. I don't look sad at all, but I was wrong, I can't say anything as I watch a other story. No wait my story play before my eyes, I see a gun. I can't speak or move like someone has something over my mouth and is holding tight, I see them talking and the less I struggle I can hear better. I listen and they talk, I say, "I wish this never happened." Justin is there he says, "No don't say that, it's alright you don't have to do this." I see that I put my hand in my pocket and bring out a gun, I struggle to stop me, and I move the gun to my temple. I struggle more, until I say something I couldn't hear and Justin ran towards me and I hear bang. I wake up with tears in my eyes, unknown what I saw, I walk toward my computer hoping to look up something or do something. I'm frightened on what I saw and I wish it'll never happen.

January​ 7, 2015.
I don't feel good today, I had the dream twice now. I am scared by it, so I promised my self never to do anything foolish. I walk into school to see Justin, I walk past and didn't say anything, I still love him.  I never really been upset at him but I feel like I make him mad. I walk into homeroom and seats were changed again, this time I sit next to Alec. I would be fine sitting to a person who hates me more then next to him, but in front of me is Geoff. I remember him when he helped me with that last problem I had. As I look through my phone the first thing I see is Justin he's still on my phone screen, I guess I never really wanted to change it. I get a message, I open it to find something from Justin I still have him saved in my contacts. It reads: "Carlos I know you still want an explanation, just meet me after school." I don't know what I want to do, I love him, I need an explanation but I still believe it's still my fault. I gave up on the dream it doesn't seem possible, I'd never do that. I answer back: "I'll see you then." I know it's bad for me to still be committed to him, but I don't care.