Snowdrop

Chapter 11

"Your arm... it's bleeding again." Ember reaches out to gently touch the cut on my arm.
I wince slightly. It didn't seem that bad, just a flesh wound. "I-I've got some bandages in my bag."
"What happened?" he asks, unzipping my pack and pulling out a fresh bandage and tape. He carefully pulls away the old one and rolls up my sleeve, sighing as he inspects the wound. "This is gonna hurt, I'll have to clean it with some snow. You can be a brave girl for me, right?"
I nod. "Mmhm. I was at the Bloodbath, grabbing supplies. One of the boys from District Three, the one who died, had an – ahh!" I let out a cry and clamp my teeth together as Ember trickles ice-cold water onto the wound.
"Shh, shh, sorry. I know it hurts, I know, just a few more seconds." I know he hates doing this as much as I do, but I also know he has no choice. What's worse, a minute of stinging cold water, or days, possibly weeks, of a swollen, infected cut?
It hurts so much tears spring from my eyes, but then Ember wipes the cut clean and bandages it tightly. Within moments, the pain lessens to a dull throb.
"There. Better now?" I nod, biting my lip. "The boy from Three. What happened?"
I take a deep breath. "He had an axe, and he cut me. I thought he was going to kill me. I fell over I think, but someone shot him in the back."
He's silent for a minute, then his gentle demeanour changes. "This is why you weren't supposed to go in for supplies! You would've been able to survive without a bag, you know. What if I'd lost you?"
"What if I'd lost you!" I shout, forgetting the chances of another tribute being in the area. "I saw a boy die. I watched him be stabbed to death. I thought it was you! Do you know what that felt like? It was like my whole world had come crashing down. I had nothing more to live for; I didn't know what to do. I was scared and confused and upset. So don't you dare pull the 'what if I'd lost you' line!"
"No, Melia, that's not what I meant –"
"I was attacked by a girl who would have no problems killing me," I continue. "She tried to strangle me. I picked up a rock, and you know what I did? I hit her with it. But that wasn't enough, Ember. I snapped. I kept hitting her, over and over, not stopping for one second to realise that this was a human being. I smashed in her skull. I killed her, Ember, and you weren't there to stop me. You. Weren't. There."
And then I'm sobbing again, angry tears spurting down my cheeks. I clamp my hand over my mouth to try and stifle the sobs. I'm so weak, I realise. Not even one day into the Games and I'm already an emotional wreck. So much for being strong.
"Oh my God, Melia," Ember breathes. He sounds slightly horrified, and that just makes me feel worse. "Is that the cannon we heard?" I nod, and his voice softens. "Oh, Melia. I'm so sorry. I was trying to find you again. If I'd known..." He trails off, pulling me close and rocking me back and forth.
If you'd known... what? If you'd known that I'm slowly losing the plot? If you'd known that I'm descending into a pit that I can't climb out of? If you'd known that I barely have the will to live anymore, and I haven't since the reaping?
I feel Ember bury his face in my hair. Slowly, surely, I calm down until I'm just hiccuping. Then there's the telltale chime of a parachute descending to give us a gift from a sponsor. I perk up slightly as the smell of something delicious hits my nose and my mouth begins to water. Ember reaches out to tear away the silver fabric, revealing two containers of broth.
"Thank you, Acacia," he calls, lifting his head up. His eyes glitter in the early morning light.
The broth is steaming and delicious, even coming with its own spoons. Ember hands me a container and I barely waste a second before tearing the lid off and digging in. It's good, hearty stuff, filled with chunks of vegetables and meat. A small noise of satisfaction slips out as I eat a giant spoonful of the stuff.
"Feeling better?" Ember laughs.
I shrug. "A bit."
My eyes are still swollen and my nose has decided to be stuffed up, but finding my brother and letting some of my frustration out seems to have helped. I know though, that I'll lose my temper a lot out here. And most of it will be taken out on Ember, even though none of my anger is directed at him. I glance at him guiltily.
"I'm gonna be a very agitated person out here," I say, putting my spoon down. Ember looks at me. "Just know that if I get angry, it's not actually at you."
He nods, seeming to understand. "Yeah. I know. Are you finished eating? You'd better get some sleep, I'll keep watch."
I reluctantly put my bowl down. I don't really want to leave him alone like this, but even as he says it my eyelids begin to grow heavy with fatigue. I open my pack and lay out the rain poncho on the ground, then repack the container and spoon.
"Didn't you get a blanket?" Ember asks, cocking his head.
I shake my head. "No, I couldn't run fast enough to be able to get one. It's all right though."
He sighs and unzips his own pack. "Well, I'm glad you didn't try and get one. I'd much rather have you here and lend you my own blanket–" he pulls out a soft woollen rug and hands it to me "- than have it for myself while knowing you're gone."
"But what about you? Won't you get cold?" I say.
He shrugs. "Not if I tuck it around us both and snuggle up to you. You remember how you were always so warm when you were little? Like a little heat pack."
I smile as he tucks the blanket tight around my chin and lies down beside me, propped up against a tree. He's careful not to jar my cut, and curls a protective arm around me.
Even though the first rays of sunlight are beginning to creep across the ground, I still say, "Goodnight, Ember."
His hand moves to my hair and his fingers massage my scalp. It makes me even sleepier, and I close my eyes. I burrow closer to him, embraced in his warmth like it's a cocoon.
"Goodnight, Melia."