Darkened Stars | Shklance apocalypse AU

Ch 9: The fears that consume us

Fall

I don't know who to believe anymore.. It's gotten to the point that all I can think of is the boy who cried wolf. They've lied to me so much that now I just don't want to believe them anymore. There're just too many questions left unanswered. A check over doesn't require I be dressed down into a medical robe. I have a scratch across my forehead too straight to be a cut from a fight. I didn't need anesthesia to be checked over, but here I was doped full of it.

If there were others why didn't I get to meet them? I'm not alone in this, I could have talked to some of the other immune to try and find ways to cope with the denial. Hell if there were so many immune why didn't they take blood from them and figure out what happened to make them immune? It'd be in the DNA somewhere, they can just look at cells and replicate it and make it a cure for people that aren't immune right? That's how that works? Why didn't anyone think of asking that? If they did I don't know shit about it. What if someone on the team gets bit? Do I bite them and reverse it? Does it even work that way? See? Too many questions. I could go on and on. But whenever I ask they group they're all tight lipped about it.

It's been five weeks since we got back from the university. Five weeks since we lost Matt. It feels like it's been years. But no matter how much I complain about being confused, I'm not the one most impacted in the slightest. Not by a long shot.

Pidge sat in front of me between my legs, her back pressed against my chest as I leaned against the tree behind me. Her knees were pulled to her chest tightly, like she was trying to keep herself from falling apart. She hasn't talked since before I woke up. In fact the last words I heard from her were "Don't do this". My chest tightens when I think of that. Thinking about things like that always hit too close to home. My last words to my dad weren't my best.. I told him I hated him when all he was doing was trying to keep me safe. I was about to transfer to America, and he was worried something would happen and tried to cancel everything last minute. I'd looked him dead in the eyes and said I hated him and slammed the door on my way out. Then the day I was supposed to go back and see him to make up, this all happens.

My last words to Matt were of me saying I don't need him. Granted it was indirect, and more to the entire team. But that's the last he heard of me.

And now I can never go back and fix it.

It makes me wonder what Pidge's last words to her family were. If she regrets them in any way. I would have asked, but there's a time and place for everything. Now is not one of those times. Pidge was hurting worse than anyone right now and no one deserves to hurt.

I looked down at her smaller form in front of me, and I decided to do what I used to do for my little sisters when they were sad. My hands made their way to her scalp and I threaded my fingers through her hair. She hummed softly in acknowledgment, and I hummed back while pulling her hair back over her shoulders so I could work with it. Her hair had grown out quite a bit, and she's always fussing with it when we're scavenging.

"Hey.. Did you want me to cut your hair?"

She was quiet for a bit after I asked, save for a few hums while I kept playing with the long brown locks. But eventually she shrugged her shoulders and made the "i don't know" noise.

"I sharpened Keith's knife last night, so I could use that.. It'll look like the cut you had at the college."

Once again, it took a few moments for her to respond, but there's no way not to be patient with someone suffering. I would know, even Keith was patient with me when I found out about Cuba. And at that point, no one had patience. Everyone was getting infected so it was either run or die.

I felt her nod as I looked out into the fields. We'd taken the fence down in one area so the lions could come in and out as they pleased. They're just not allowed inside unless it's the snowy seasons. They're cool and all, I mean come on. They're lions. They think we're part of the pride. It's great. But they're still wild ya know? I don't want to be eaten in the middle of the night, and I doubt anyone else does.