WARNING: CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER CONTAIN ACTS OF SELF HARM, AND MAY BE TRIGGERING, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Also please don't report me, if you don't like it, just kindly fuck off, ok? I warned you...
I was walking down an empty street, going to the park. I arrived, sat down under a tree, and leaned against it.
I saw a girl walking down the sidewalk, but I couldn't tell who it was; she was too far away. She walked closer and closer, her face becoming clearer, and I saw who it was.
Immediately, a huge wave of guilt washed over me. Oh god...
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything. I wanted to cry, curl up and just sob. I wanted to die...
She noticed me out of the corner of her eye, and she headed right for me. She stopped within 3 feet of me, her face had a look of disappointment, disgusted, anger, and sadness all at once, and it turned my heart to lead.
I managed a smile, but she killed it with a cold, "You disgust me." I looked down, tears in my eyes.
"I... I'm sorry-"
"Stop fucking apologizing, thats not gonna cut it. I've been by your side whenever you needed someone, I comforted you when you had breakdowns. I was there for you whenever your thoughts and loneliness got too much for you. I've always been there for you. How could you even say that?"
"I... I never meant to hurt you I swear I never meant to hurt you I'm so sorry I'm sorry I'm so so so sorry..."
"You never meant to hurt me, huh?
She raised the sleeves of her sweater. I looked closer, and saw her arms were covered in cuts...
I couldn't breathe. What have I done... No no no... Oh god no... What have I done...
I got up and ran. I ran and ran and ran until I got to my room. I curled into a ball and sobbed, and screamed at the walls. I got up and slammed my fists into the walls over and over again, but the pain went away as quickly as it came. I slammed my head into the walls.
"It's just a dream wake up wake up..."
I was sobbing now. I looked around for my knife, picked it off my shelf, and pulled back my sleeve. I brought the blade across my wrist, making a line of red. It stung, but after a few seconds, it felt so good...
I did it again. Another red line, sting, then a good feeling. Again, and again.
"WAKE UP WHY AM NOT WAKING UP IM SUPPOSED TO WAKE UP IM SO SORRY I NEVER MEANT TO IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO I DIDNT MEAN TO I SWEAR IM SORRY IM SO SO SORRY IT HURTS IT HURTS PLEASE MAKE IT STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP..."
A voice popped into my head, from so many years ago: "Remember kids, down the road, not across the street. If you're gonna do it, do it right!"
I dragged the blade vertically along my arm, from my palm to my elbow. A huge line of red appeared in its wake, and I started to feel weak. The blood rolled off my arm onto the carpet. I did it again, and dropped to my knees. I dropped the knife and crumpled onto my side. I saw a pool of red forming in front of me.
"I'm so sorry..."
I woke up...
YOU ARE READING
My Dream Book
Random"Should I make a dream book?" "No I shouldn't." "Why shouldn't I?" "Because it's gonna be fucking embarrassing!" "Your fucking embarrassing." "Fuck you!" "What time" "..." "..." "..." "Bitch I'm making that dream book."