𝐀𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐑𝐀 | 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬

✧ chapter 36 ✧

1977

For the next month and a half, Aurora and Sirius subtly avoided each other as much as possible without raising any suspicions. Aurora wasn't sure exactly what Sirius had meant by his markings next to her list, though she had a rough idea, and she hadn't exactly told him that she had seen it for fear he would get angry at her again. She just knew that whatever he was dealing with, her constant presence would not help.

While Aurora avoided Sirius because she thought he needed space, Sirius avoided Aurora out of embarrassment. Embarrassment that he had snapped at her on the train right before she gave him such a wonderful gift, Embarrassment that he had allowed her close enough to know him as well as she apparently did. Embarrassment that he had feelings for her, what they were he wasn't quite sure but he knew they were there and could no longer be ignored. Embarrassment that said feelings were obviously not reciprocated as she was dating one of his best mates. Remus. Then came the guilt. Guilt that he wanted his best mate's girl. Guilt that he now knew Marlene was hopelessly in love with him and he was still leading her on. Guilt that no matter what he did, his actions were only increasing the divide that was forming within his Hogwarts family. Sirius Black was in a large hole, and no matter how hard he tried to get out, he only made it deeper or wider, thus increasing the difficulty of escape.

Though most of his life was uncertain and confusing, Sirius knew one thing for sure; he had to fix his friends before it was too late.

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By the time April rolled around it was a well-known fact that Aurora and Remus were an official couple. They spent most of their free time together, Aurora mostly so she could avoid Sirius, and their reputation as Hogwarts cutest couple was growing. This only presented a problem, however around the time of the full moon. Remus was running out of excuses as to why he needed to run off when they were together, and he was running out of fictional ailments to explain his constant visits to the hospital wing. Marlene on numerous occasions concluded that he must be cheating, but Aurora found the idea absurd. Had she been dating Sirius, such behaviour may have equated to an affair, but she wasn't dating Sirius (as she constantly kept reminding herself).

Sirius was also constantly reminded that Aurora was not in fact dating him but rather his best friend as they were practically joined at the hip. Every time he saw them together it felt as if a dagger was being plunged further into his chest. He was unable to stay focussed in class, often daydreaming that it was him holding her hand, him brushing hair out of her eyes, him kissing her. He remembered back to the first time they had kissed properly and fantasized about kissing her like that again. Often when Sirius caught himself thinking like this he would internally berate himself for being such a pansy. He hated what he had become. It was almost as if admitting to himself that he might be in love with Aurora had opened up a floodgate. Seventeen years' worth of pent up emotions were spilling out of him and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Once the floodgate was opened there was no going back. Sirius likened what he was experiencing to a girl on her period as his moods changed faster than he could comprehend. He laughed at his own joke and wished he could tell Aurora as he knew it would wind her up. He missed winding her up over small things. He missed talking to her. He missed her. Sirius missed Aurora but there was nothing he could do to change the past, and so he suffered silently.

As for where Marlene sat in this situation, her relationship with Sirius was more of a disaster than ever. On the surface, they seemed better than they had been for a long time. They hardly ever fought anymore, and Sirius did try for a little while to make things work, but everyone knew the monogamy was only one sided. Even Marlene knew that Sirius had grown more promiscuous than ever, often being spotted snogging various girls in secluded corners of the castle. She was tired of the heartache however, and therefore had convinced herself it wasn't happening. Even if she saw him with another girl she had become so good at compartmentalising any negative memories or aspects of her relationship with Sirius that she could practically make herself forget it ever happened. All of the girls were growing more and more concerned; this behaviour was not healthy. Marlene was allowing Sirius to walk all over her simply because the fear of being without him was too much for her to handle. The sad truth was she never really had him though. Marlene spent her days playing housewife to a man who refused to commit. The fear of not being with Sirius may have been too much for Marlene, but she was self-destructing by remaining in such a toxic relationship.

While Aurora and Remus navigated their way through the unknown waters of a long-term relationship and Marlene struggled to keep her head above water, Lily and James's relationship had become more complex than ever. After James had given Lily the silver doe charm, she made even more of an effort to mend the rift between them in an attempt to bring some normalcy back to their friendship groups dynamic. James on the other hand, was acting moodier than ever. Sometimes he would revert back to his old ways and make jokes, but then he would remember he was trying to get over Lily and would become grumpy and frustrated. The shock of the century came when one Hogsmeade weekend Lily asked James on a date, but the shock was not from Lily doing the asking, but in fact James saying no. After that Lily was so embarrassed that she refused to look at James for a week and would blow up at random intervals over small things.

It looked like the crazy eight were falling apart at the seams and there was nothing anyone could do to fix it. The reality is that some wounds just won't heal, no matter how much time you give them. Some problems just can't be fixed.