(If you remember my older chapter "I miss the old you" on the other book, you'll know what I mean by Pt. 2.)
"You know what I loved about you? You were so optimistic and you always thought of the positives this morning. Now you're thinking of negatives and thinking of bad things. What happened?"
Once again, I've been asked this by my family...
Huh.... you really wanna know why I look at the bad side of things? Welp.. lemme tell you...
I realized how life really is. There's nothing good that ever happens in my life.. maybe on a rare occasion.
You know what the last good thing was that happened to me?! My birthday....... BUT EVEN THEN I GOT INSULTED BY A RANDOM FUCKING KID AND I HAD TO SIT THERE WITH MY FAMILY AFTERWARDS WHILE FAKING A SMILE BECAUSE THAT KID RUINED MY FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!!!!
But yet, that was the only good thing that happened, which was July of 2016.
You really wanna know why I look at the darker side of things?
Because I've given up on the positives. Nothing good ever happens in my life anyways.
I chickened out on my ONE opportunity to go to LA just because of a fucking panic attack that I had!!! And that was back in 2016 as well in the end of May!!!
My panic attacks are the main reason that I can't do shit! And now I'm gonna be taking therapy soon!
I've been ignored at school too many times in my life to ever see what was good about it..
And wanna know the most important thing about why I'm so 'different' than from when I was younger?
PEOPLE FUCKING CHANGE
And also, I have this amazing thing called depression and anxiety...
I'm sorry, but it's just part of life.... you're gonna have to help me out here too.. I can't work through this alone...
I need help with this...
I really do.
I try to be optimistic...
I try to be okay....
But I...... I just don't know anymore...
I'm trying my hardest..
Anyways, sorry if I kinda killed the mood for your day..... heh
I'm done ranting now, and I'll show you some pics in the next chapter that'll hopefully cheer you up if you're having a bad day.
Until next time.
Bye ♡
