2 weeks of nonstop horrible anxiety attacks.
That's not healthy.
And no matter what I do, the panic attacks ALWAYS seem to come back.
I'm LITERALLY becoming very ill because of this.
I'm losing weight from barely eating anything.
I'm sleep deprived because every time I go to sleep, I'll always wake up like an hour later, and I won't go back to sleep.
I feel like I'm losing hope for life...
In the last chapter, I was talking about why I needed therapy, how I felt, and how I needed to open up about my feelings more.
I know I'm not alone. I know that so many people know what this is like......
I'm just losing my strength to hold on for any longer...
To tell you the truth, I've been thinking about suicide lately. Yes, I told my therapist about this, and she's helping me...
I know that if I did commit suicide, I wouldn't be able to talk with all of you amazing people...
But I just feel like I'm burdening people and I also feel like if I did..... end my life, that I wouldn't be able to feel the pain anymore.
But then I thought more about this.
Where would I go after I die...???
I used to go to church, but I still didn't know if God was real or not, and I still don't.
Also, if I ended my life, I wouldn't be able to do all of these things and I wouldn't be able to do so much more in the future....
But I don't want to feel this way anymore.. I don't think I even need to end my life if I keep feeling like this because this....... this is slowly killing me already, I bet.
So I'm gonna talk to my therapist.. no worries. I'm not going anywhere.... at least hopefully.
So until next time..
Love you all.
Bye❤
