All Too Well | ✔

Chapter 53

all too well

"It's the things we love the most, that destroy us."

- Suzanne Collins, Mockinjay

...

Relationships. Don't we all want one - a healthy and long lasting relationship with someone we love with all of our heart just as much as he/she does? Yes, yes we do. No one wants to be lonely or abandoned. No one wants to spend their whole life all by themselves. No one wants to wake up all alone in their bed each single day. No one wants to look at other couples making out in public while you have no one around you.

Long story short: No one wants to be alone or die alone.

We all want someone who can accept us for who we are and what we are. We all want someone who can accept us for all our flaws, scars, mistakes, our past and our weirdness. We want someone to look into our eyes and tell us how much they love us and how they never want to lose us. We want someone to hold us during rough times - simply someone who would go through hell or high water, someone whose goal it is to see us smile and happy. Everyone wants to find true love and someone they can always rely on, they can lean on, they can trust, they care about, someone they would move mountains for and vise versa.

That's what we all want, don't we?

But wait, there are times those two people can get into a heated conversation and fight, throw things at each other, shout things they will regret after leaving their mouths and promise themselves to walk away, yet they stay. You can't just turn the handle and switch love off, that's not how it works. Love is mighty. It has the ability to turn you off. It has the ability to turn your life upside down. It has the ability to turn you into another person - into a completely different human being.

Experience is the key. It is all that matters if you want to learn how to tame love, it is all that matters if you want to understand the rules of this cruel, but beautiful game. Experience helps you grow, helps you gather knowledge, helps you to make the right decisions and not to repeat your mistakes, so let experience be your guide - let it be your lifeline.

Most of the time, experience hurts us just like love does, but it hurts us to save us from furhter pain, to save us from making the wrong choices over and over again. Usually - not always, there is a person who teaches us how cruel love can be and how it has this unbelievable force to ruin us with its different weapons. That's where we gather knowledge and experience.

And my experience was Andrew.

...

Instead of sleeping, I stayed up and admired the boy next to me. For the past two and a half weeks, all I did was admire him while he slept there so peacefully and quietly - well, only if we don't count those snores escaping his mouth every now and then. I was still not entirely sure whether this was real. Whether he was real - whether we were real. This felt more like an imagination rather than actual reality and I had to learn to get used to it.

Sometimes, I thought about a future with Miles. I mean yes, I was still a teen, but I could imagine a life with Miles even after high school. I could picture us going to college and trying to meet up on weekends to see and spend time with each other. I could picture us sitting around our friends we met through college and tell them the story of us. There was just so much I could imagine with him and that's also another reason why I never wanted to lose him.