All Too Well | ✔

Chapter 57

all too well

"I got hurt. Really hurt. And sometimes when that happens, something inside me shuts off."

- Unknown

...

Breakup's. One of the cruelest task someone has to go through. One of the worst things someone has to experience. Love is within all of us, though once someone you truly love hurts you, it damages you. It leaves a mark behind and no matter how hard you try, no matter how much effort you put into moving on, you never really do. There's always a moment in life where you think back to the days and moments you shared with the person you used to love - maybe even still do - and you break down.

You may think crying, hugs, ice cream and some more hugs help subside the pain, but deep down you know it doesn't change the fact that you're heartbroken. It makes you feel better at some point but it doesn't help to move on. You can only move on if you really want to. You have to accept the pain that runs through your body and mind on a daily basis because better days will eventually come and you will be able to smile again. You will be able to laugh again, to enjoy life again, but most importantly, you will learn to trust and to love again.

Breakup's and love make you fall apart a good amount of times that you most likely lose count of how many times you actually broke down in front of your friends, your parents or in front of the reflection staring back at you in the mirror. It takes all of your happiness away and puts you in a scary place instead - in a place where you never want to come out of ever again. Yet it's ironic how you still have so much love left for the person inside of your heart who hurt you in the first place.

It's ironic how the person who completed you and made you whole once, managed to break you into so many small pieces that you were scared you might never get those pieces back together, or worse: you were scared that there would never be someone who could complete you again. You lock up your heart and don't feel like opening it up to anyone anywhere in the future. Even though your heart is filled with loneliness, you pretend that there's simply no room for any other person inside.

You pretend to be fine on your own due to those people who hurt you in the past. They made you the happiest person in the world day in - day out, put smile after smile onto your face, promised you the world, promised to be by your side, promised you a forever with them and then, boom gone. They disappear within the blink of an eye.

They disappear and don't ever look back again.

And now tell me, how are you supposed to get over someone you're so attached to? How are you ever going to get over someone you gave all your heart to? How are you supposed to recover? How long will it take? Days? Weeks? Months? Perhaps years? Or never?

You feel like leaving. You feel like leaving everything behind and starting over somewhere new. You feel like escaping this mess of a life because it feels as if you don't have any sort of strength left inside of your weak and fragile body to keep going.

You have to hold on though. You have to stay strong and keep holding on for your own sake. You don't just quit. No matter how often you cry or how many countless tears you shed, sooner or later you will realize that he wasn't worth any of it. You will realize that you wasted your precious time on someone who didn't deserve a single minute of your life.

You will get better and better each passing day. It's a pretty slow progress, but as long as you want to move on and get over someone, you can achieve it.

It was still a long way for me until I could actually adapt to this pain racing inside of me like my own blood. I was new to all of this and I had no idea what actual heartbreak even meant because I never experienced something as cruel as this. When Andrew broke up with me back then, I cried for a week straight but I learned to move on with the help of my friends who were a huge support system for me.