My time is almost up

Hospital

I would say my mum came to wake me again, but i never really went to sleep, I was already dressed and sat ready when she came into my room. She smiled so I smiled back hiding the fact that I was terrified. The drive to the hospitial seemed to take forever but it was only an hours drive. I hesitated before opening the car door when we arrived, I couldn't let my mum know I was scared, so i got up and smiled at her before walking through the front door. We were seated in the waiting room before we had our appointment, we were waiting for thirty minutes before we were led to a room full of different machines and operating items, I froze in the doorway, this was what i hated most about hospitals, all the scanners, machines and cupboards of medicenes. "it's not all as scary as it looks" the nurse said causing me to move from the doorway I was still stood in, she was smiling at me, like she wasn't about to give me bad news, I guess doctors need to be good at that so that people aren't as scared. "we are going to do a few simple tests and then we will have to ask you to wait, either in the waiting room or make sure your back for about an hour, to say what we have found and hopefully give you a full recovery as fast as possible" she was still smiling but the word 'hopefully' lingered on my mind for longer then it should have. "we have recieved all the information we needed about your situation from your GP so you won't have to repeat that. We are just going to need you to go and lay on that bed, we will put you to sleep for a little while, your mum will leave the room as we run some tests, you sleeping will make the tests easier which is the only reason we do it and seeing the tests can be upsetting for family which is why your mother will leave, it won't take long so lets get started" I watched as my mum left the room, she kissed me on the forehead and told me that she loved me before she went and my heart was beating so fast, i went and laid down on the bed, the nurse told me all my clothes would stay as they were which made me feel slightly beeter as it meant they wouldn't see my scars.

I woke up with my mum back in the room, both her and the nurse smiled as I sat up. "morning honey, how are you feeling?" the nurse smiled again at me "fine" I answered and looked at my mum who looked as if she had been crying. "right, well, we will have your results in an hour so spend this time as you will but please be here in an hour" we walked out of the room and I decided to go and sit in the park which was directly across from the hospital, my mum went to get food. I watched the little kids laughing and joking while running around the giant fountain while the sun still shone in the sky. I remembered that i hadn't been at school for two days now and nobody knew why so i messaged Emily 'hey E , thought i'd let you know why i haven't been in school, can you let everyone else know too please? so after i left school on monday I got home and well I coughed blood so yesterday my mum took me to the doctors and today we are at the hospital, they've done some tests andd i'll get the results in about an hour ,so let you know about them. Should be back to school soon. -M xxx' I hit send and waited for my mum to get back with food. I recieved a reply from Emily way faster than I expected to say she would be in lesson 'OMG! of course i'll let everyone know at lunch, you haven't missed much at school, just the same old boring nothing , hope your okay. love ya xxxx -E' I didn't reply as my mum was walking over too me two cones of chips in her hands, she handed one to me and sat down with me, we sat in silence watching the kids playing until we had to go back to the hospital. We continued to walk in silence until we got back to the waiting room and my mum turned to me and engulfed me in a bear hug "I love you sweetie" she said as I heard her voice crack, she was trying not to cry. "I love you too mum" was all i could say. We walked to the room we were in only an hour ago when the nurse came in I could see that the news would not be good, her smile wasn't the same as before I felt my heart skip a beat as she sat down, a single tear escaped my eyes "oh honey, i'm so sorry," she began, more tears that i had been holding all day escape my eyes and roll down my cheeks "what is it?" i heard the panick in my mums voice as she blurted the words. "cancer" the word came out of the nurses mouth like a dagger stabbing me in the chest. All sounds began to drift off and everything seemed to be in slow motion as I stood up and ran out of the room to the car, I sat and cried. "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" I screamed to myself when i was in the car, my mum came out of the hospital about ten minutes later with a bag and information sheet "sweetie..." she tried to comfort me

"can we just go? please.. I don't want to be here mum, please lets just leave" we didn't talk the entire way home and when we got home I went straight to my room, I sat on my bed crying, I heard my mum on the phone, I couldn't figure out who too, we didn't have any other family. My dad left when i was thirteen, he was a drug addict and an alcoholic, He blamed me for everything "IF YOU HADN'T BEEN BORN NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED" he would scream this at me at least once a day, and stupidly I believed him, my family don't have a lot of money and he blamed me for that I was just another mouth to feed and another person to look after. It was after my tenth birthday when he started drinking and taking drugs and I got the blame for that he told me that if i was a better child he never would have started being an addict. When he left I wasn't sad I was relieved. I fell asleep not long after this. I had cried myself to sleep.... again. I didn't go to school the next day or for the rest of the week. I couldn't handle walking through the doors and have Emily come running up to me asking if everything was okay because what was i supposed to say? i'm fine just dying of cancer? was i supposed to lie and not say anything? I didn't know, my mum agreed for me to stay off school for the week. We didn't talk as much both too scared we'd say something wrong. Monday morning was going to be difficult but could it be worse then sitting in silence with my mum while eating tea? I wasn't sure I wanted to find out but had no choice. Before I knew it, it was Sunday evening and time to try and sleep before school tomorrow.