Short poetry and passages

Letter Of Absence

Dear you,

Years have passed but the memories are afresh. I thought I'd forget you with time, but your face is still etched in my mind and the scars are still visible in my heart.

I have aged but my heart still yearns for you. I compare every love I get to you and I give nobody the love I gave you. I don't even love them nor do I accept their love. I am scared to love now. What if I lose them like I lost you? The things that happened to me when I lost you were scary.... I never had seen myself like that. I am pitiful and scared of that me.

I crave those times when I was privileged to obtain your love. The friendship, the brotherly affection and then, I became your everything. You became my everything too and you still are.

All those years, I've seen girls close to me fall for you. It's difficult, yes. I'm not bragging, but my honesty somehow came over my pain. As a friend, I tried to be honest with them. Truthfully, I hinted how much they deserve you or not. If I felt angry, I kept away. That is dishonesty, yes. But it was a white lie I was willing to say to protect their feelings.

The best part is I knew exactly how everything would turn out between you and those girls you fell for/who fell for you . I knew exactly how you'd react. I knew it. Exactly. That's exactly why I didn't tell you that I still loved you, because I knew I'd lose the friendship that had started to blossom after years of indifference.

I don't know if there's someone in your heart now. But something tells me I occupy a place in your heart, still. Like a sweet memory to cherish on lonely days, when the mind is at peace. A memory you wouldn't risk making practical for the fear of distraction.

Every time you looked at someone you cared for, every time you laughed, every time you argued, every time you hid sadness behind your eyes, every time you seemed lost, every time your eyelids drooped with sleep.... Every time, I noticed. Even if I was doing something else, I looked up instinctively.... As if I knew what you were feeling and had to check on you. Strange, because my instincts have never been right except when it's for you.

I've always wanted you to be happy. It's instinctive, like I said before, for me to smile when I see you smile. But when you used to smile at her, the care or love you had for different women in your life, it killed me. But I vow I can and would have kept you happier than those women.

A cruel happiness I felt in that is that those women never got your true love or you never got theirs. The relationships fell apart. It's cruel for me to think of it as a trophy of my love. My love is still and always true after years, when their true colours showed in months or weeks.

I miss you. I truly do. You may have hurt me but the thought of having you forever makes me forget all the pain.
I don't mind you not loving me. But I will love you. Always.

- Me