This Is Who I Am

Chapter Eight

Edward's P.O.V

Fremont, California expands beyond Dr. Ramirez's office and the view of mountains from here is just amazing. It's crazy how small it looks like from here. I lean against the window, almost wanting a closer look to my little city and a bit more of the heat of the sun against the glass.

"I'm finally going to talk to my family," I say, looking out the window.

"Really? That's great. What made you change your mind?" Dr. Ramirez asked from his sitting spot in his brown leather chair across the room.

I turn and lean against the window with my hands in my pockets. This is the first time I've seen him since my first appointment and I feel like it's been years rather than just weeks. And a lot has happened, apart from the fire at the diner just last week, I feel like the dreams are fading away. Everything that came right after the fire, all those blurry images are going away and I'm not ready to let them go just yet.

"I've had dreams," I say.

"Of Ava?"

"Part of them are of her." I push myself off the window and walk around his big office, that would most likely be a small library. "The same old dreams of me being with her are just that, the same old dreams. However, the night of the fire I saw her."

"Where?"

"Outside." I stop walking and look down at my feet, remembering how she looked. She was... Almost like a ghost. "She was outside with the crowd of people and she was wearing a white dress. She tried running to me but then I realized it was a hallucination and it was just Bella running to me."

"Bella? Who's Bella?"

I smile at the sound of my girl's name. "That's my girlfriend."

Dr. Ramirez seems genuinely interested in this as he leaned forward on his chair and placed his eblows over his knees. "A girlfriend, huh? That's actually really great. It's a very good step toward moving forward with your future. But let's put that aside for now. You say you had a hallucination of Ava, right?" I nod. "And more dreams, tell me about them."

I walk back to my chair and sit down. "The first one..." I pause, trying to remember. "I'm... I'm in a office and there's... A man in there I think, I think it might have been my father, I'm not sure. The picture is not clear enough. Then there's a wheezing sound coming from the vents and out of nowhere there's some kind of explosion." I pause, giving myself the little peace I need in order to control the constant headache I get when I try to remember this dream. "We were talking about something, about someone. It was something about me being kicked out..."

"Do you think that conversation might have been about Ava?"

I nod, sitting up. "Yes, yes I feel like we were talking about her. And then... And then there's one where I only hear a faint voice. A voice telling me to wake up and I feel her warmth... I think that might be Ava as well."

Dr. Ramirez nods. "So these dreams - if you can call them this way - have given the certainty that you needed in order to understand whether or not Ava is real which now makes you feel confident that you can ask without coming out as-"

"Insane," I finish for him. "Yes, it has and I'm asking them tomorrow. Well, I'd like to think I'll be more like demanding more than asking."

"And how do you feel about asking? Do you feel confident?"

I nod. "Confident, yes. Terrified as well. Ava can literally be anyone and no one at the same time. I also want to know what role my father plays in this and what role Ava played in my life. The possibilities are endless and I'm terrified out of all of them, which one can she be."