This Is Who I Am

Chapter Twenty

Edward's P.O.V

The car stops in front of her apartment building and the engine dies off. We both sit there in silence, looking ahead at the other parked cars without saying a word at first. Bella is fidgeting, her fingers are playing with the loose end of her shirt as her leg bounces nonstop. I've seen her do this when something big is about to happen. Like her father's doctor appointment, a test in school, or something similar to that. I want to place my hand on her leg to stop her shaking as well as the shaking of the car. I want to assure her we have all the time in the world to talk. But I don't. I wait for her to stop on her own and when she does, she finally speaks. I wonder what else is floating around in that beautiful head of hers.

"Do you want to come inside?"

"I thought that was what we were here for," I say.

She nods. "Okay, um, let's go."

Bella gets slowly out of the car, almost as if she was afraid that I'd run off on any second. I'm not, I'm not going to go anywhere until things are finally clear. I meant when I said it at Emmett's, I mean it now. Tonight is the night it all ends, and so it will be.

I get out and follow her into her apartment building. I've never been inside before, it just never happened and walking inside this building sends a chill down my spine. The light in the hallways are dim and flicker on and off. The walls are covered in graffiti and there's leaks every corner. We stop to get her mail first. Those things are so old and rusty, I have to step in and help her yank that thing open in order for her to get her mail. I look over her shoulder as she shuffles through her mail with shaky hands. All I read is bills, bills, bills and bills. The elevator ride was worse, I felt like that thing would collapse in any second.

The doors open to one of those haunting halls in horror movies. The lights are worse, more than half of them are off and the walls vibrate with the pounding music from one of her neighbors. Not to discredit the vulgar yelling that comes with it as well.

I stop at the foot of the elevator and look at Bella.

"Please tell me this isn't where you live," I whisper.

Bella shakes her head and pulls her purse over her shoulder.

"It's this way," she says with a rusty voice. We walk three doors down the hall to her door and she looks at me with a nervous look. Her tears have dried on her cheeks. "Um, do you mind-"

"Waiting outside for a minute?" I finish her question for her. She looks shocked for a moment before giving me an apologetic smile and nods. "Go ahead."

"It'll just-" she grunts, trying to unlock her door at the same time as she pushes against it, "-be a moment-shit!"

"Here, let me." I step in and grab hold of the door and push it open. "There you go."

"Thank you."

She steps in quickly and shuts the door in my face. I sigh and lean against the wall next to her door. I can't even hear my own thinking with the loud music going on next door. The door next door slams open and five people bust out laughing their ass off. I think I'll get high by smelling the weed that's coming out of this apartment. They all stumble down the hall, unaware of my presence and barely make it to the elevator.

"Edward?" I look at Bella who stands by the door and steps aside. "Come in."

That apartment could be the smallest apartment I've ever seen in my life. The walls, that I think are supposed to be white, look grayish and white curtains hanging by the windows. There's only one couch leaned against the wall next to the door and a old TV - those ones with a large backside - on a small wooden TV stand. There's a small stove and dishwasher along with a small refrigerator and that was her kitchen. Beside the TV stand there's a small hallway with three doors facing each other. That's it, she lives in this small crumbled up space with no color, no life, no light. This was it.