This Is Who I Am

Chapter Thirteen

Edward's P.O.V

Emmett hands me another beer and sits down beside my head. I don't know how I ended here, but for some reason here I am, at his house, with my legs up against the cushions of his couch and my head hanging off the edge. I somehow managed to drink my beers from this angle and they're really getting to me.

We came back to his place after work because he thought I could use some guy time which sounded like a good idea at first, now that I'm drunk doesn't seem so much. We both sat down, ate the entire meal Rosalie made for us before she left and started drinking. That was around five in the afternoon, now I have no idea what time it is and it honestly doesn't matter.

I haven't seen Bella in weeks now. I haven't seen her at work, she doesn't answer my calls or my texts, nothing. It's been hell. Complete, utter hell. I know I said I would wait until she was ready to talk, I know there's been a lot going on with her father being sick but there's a part of me that needs her, that aches for her. Being without her makes me a mess, an incomplete mess. Not only do I miss her, I miss her support, her beautiful eyes that gave me reassurance. My dreams are getting worse, they're driving me crazy. My father, Ava and Bella. That's all that's driving me crazy. The lack of them, everything.

And here I am still missing Bella.

Going to Ramirez isn't an option either. All he'll do is restate all what I'm going through and say I need to talk to my mother for answers and give Bella time and I already know that. I just want Bella right now. The answers can come later, I just need her right now.

So that's why I'm here, hanging off the edge of both sanity and Emmett's couch, drinking my sorrows away.

"You're so lucky," I tell Emmett as I stare at my bottle. He lifts his head off the cushions and looks at me with a frown. "Your life is so... not complicated. Rosalie is a sweetheart that knows what she wants, you have both parents and memory of your life. Also a clear picture of who you are. I'm jealous."

"My life isn't perfect," Emmett says, laying his head back down. "No one's is."

I shrug. "My life is complete shit right now. No girlfriend, confused as shit, no answers, a family who could be possibly lying to me, maybe not, who knows." I drink the rest of my beer and drop the bottle. "Can you hand me another one?"

He nods and hands me another open beer. "Why don't you just go to her apartment?"

"For what? So she can slam the door in my face? No, thank you. I still have some dignity left." I drink from my beer. "I also don't know where exactly her apartment is and I'm not about to go through ten floors, knocking on like two hundred doors just to find her."

"You've never been to her apartment?" I shake my head. "Ever?"

"Nope." I drink again.

"Met her parents?"

"We had an agreement that wouldn't happen, I don't want her meeting my mother for obvious overprotective issues."

"What do you know about her?"

I think about it. "I know she's in her last year of medical school, she wants to be a pediatrician... um, has parents and a brother in the army... oh, and that she was a fat child."

"That's it? What about her likes and dislikes? Favorite dish? Pet peeve? High school experience? Last name? I've never heard her last name before." That makes two of us now because I have no idea what her last name is, has she told me her last name? I don't know anything about her apart from what she told me. Emmett is genuinely shocked by that.

I sigh and look up at the ceiling. "I should have never have approached her that day in the cafeteria." It would all have been easier if I would have just left it at I think I know her and just move on from that point. It would have done us both a favor. I wouldn't be where I am right now.