Fame|| g.d

xxi

    Listen to the song with the chapter! It's Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor. I hope you like the chapter!

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The whole junior year knows. Steve has made sure  this a slow, painful torture for me. Everyday he has a new way to make me feel worthless. Make me feel weak.

I haven't told Grayson. He'll handle situation impulsively. Get physical and whatnot. But Steve is playing a game of mind. And that's how it should be.

Back to what I said before, whole junior year knows. Everyday I hear someone new talking about how that Eileen Cardenas is dating the famous Grayson Dolan. And let me tell you another reason why I didn't want to let the school know, one that Grayson doesn't know, it's the glares. The hateful, jealous, evil glares. They're everywhere.  Girls are hurt over the fact that Grayson isn't single, others are jelaous that I've got the campus hottie. But you know the ones I absolutely hate? the ones that actually burn holes in my body? the smirks. The people that think I'm just playing with him, taking all the benefit I can from the youtuber. Others think Grayson is playing with me. I just want to punch them in the face and scream that it's not like that.

But I hold it together.

I'm trying to stay emotionless. Indifferent. I want Steve to know that this has no affect on me. But I've failed miserably at that. He's seen me begging, weak, even crying.

But you know what, I'm not the only one whose guard cracked.

Whenever I've been on the verge of crying, I've seen something in Steve's eyes. He doesn't even try to hide it. It's concern.

I want to use it against him. Which is why I let my indifferent façade fall. It's a risk everytime. Sometimes I see that concern, other times he just grins at my weak self.

~~~~ 

Trust.

It's one thing that can be your biggest strength or biggest weakness. We trust people that we think will never backstab us. We tell them everything we never open up about. Well tell them all the secrets we've kept inside. Why? Because they will never backstab us.
         How do we know who to trust? Maybe we know them from past, maybe their body language is comforting, maybe it's just a gut feeling. Let me tell you one thing, whole concept of trust is a gut feeling. There's no certificate of trust, there's no test for trust, people don't walk around with a sign in their hand that they can be trusted. It's all just a gut feeling.

What happens when our gut feeling is wrong? Well, people do exactly what we thought they'll never do. They backstab. And it hurts a lot. It hurts like a motherfucker.

I sat on the bench near the window. My head resting in my arms. Our teacher was speaking something about story writing, but I blocked everyone out and stared outside the window. It wasn't a very pretty view, but I wasn't really looking either. I could hear Alex making jokes behind. His friend gladly acting like an audience of a comedy show. Trust. That's what I had for him. It's what I was filled with when I opened up to him about me and Grayson.

"Just tell me. I wont tell anyone."

"I've never spoken up to anyone about this. It-its hard" I let out an airy laugh.