Tomatt - ♡ Beautiful Boy ♡

falling apart

This chapter is going to be a little sad, I'm sorry.
TW: self harm, thoughts/mentions of suicide
I hope you enjoy anyways!
I'm sorry.

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Tom pulled his eyes open. His vision was annoyingly blurry. He closed his eyes again. Not like he needed them at the moment anyway. Tom didn't feel the warmth of Matt near him. He sat up abruptly and opened his eyes. Now he needed them. He violently blinked and looked around. Matt wasn't in his room. 'Where did he go? Did he sneak out last night because he didn't want to be in the same room as me? What if he doesn't love me?' Tom felt like throwing up. He hated this feeling. He hated his self-doubt, but he had nothing else to prove him wrong. Tom buried his head in his hands and cried. He didn't know what time it was. He didn't know if anyone was awake or not, but he cried. It wasn't very loud, but then again, crying isn't the most quiet activity. Tom curled up in a ball and cried. He was alone again. 'Maybe I should just kill myself? I would be less alone. I wouldn't have to be alone again.'

Matt was in the kitchen cooking breakfast when he heard crying. Tom was crying. Matt set everything off the heat and rushed into Tom's room. Matt was having a panic attack, but he didn't care. All he cared about was Tom. "Tom-!" Tom was sat on the bed. He was sobbing. He had a razor blade pressed against his arm. Tom snapped his head up when he heard Matt enter his room. "Tom. Please-- Be rational here. Didn't you have a good time yesterday?" Tom's face was burning from the tears. There was basically a puddle by his legs. "Matt, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Tom shook his head and let out a sob. "I don't want to be alone again." Matt's eyebrows creased and he took a step towards Tom. "You aren't alone. You're never alone, even as much as it feels like it," He took another step. "I'm here. Edd is here. You can't do this to us. I know how you feel-- and that's such a cliché thing to say, but you have to listen to me. I can't be left again. Do you think this will help you? Do you think this will help us? You can't do this. You've got too much going for you. A couple years ago in college--" Matt shook his head. Tears streamed down his face. "A couple years ago in college. I lost one of my best friends. We were practically brothers. That brother jumped off a bridge and was crushed by a car. And he didn't even think of me! Not a thought of me passed through his mind as he jumped from that concrete structure. I quit college. I self-harmed constantly. I tried to commit suicide three times. I'm not dead, and I'm not letting you get there." Matt's breaths were fast and hard, halfway from the crying and halfway from how much he just talked. Tom's hands were down, and he was looking at the bed. He was still sobbing. "I'm sorry. You didn't die, because people cared about you. No one cares about me." Matt was taken aback. (haha strong terms haha ;)) "Are you fucking serious? Really, are you fucking serious?" Tom looked at Matt, eyes wide. Matt doesn't curse. Matt doesn't curse. Matt's hands were balled up in fists, and he was involuntarily holding back his sobs. "After all I've done the past three days. You have the nerve to tell me that no one fucking cares? I've tried so fucking hard for you! I've tried so hard to show you that I care, and you tell me, straight to my face, that no one cares!" Matt collapsed on the ground, crying and trying to calm himself down. He was having another panic attack. He balled his hands into fists in his hair. Tom dropped the blade and rushed over to Matt, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Tom apologized repeatedly and grabbed Matt's hands out of his hair. Tom held Matt's hands and straightened Matt's legs out so that he could breathe better. "I'm so sorry." Tom shook his head and cried as Matt got his breathing under control.

Matt got his anxiety under control, and decided to take Tom out. "You don't have to be fancy, just throw some clothes on." He had said. Tom wouldn't stop apologizing. Matt and him agreed on getting all of the objects out of his room that he could harm himself with. Tom was reluctant on the decision. Those were his things, and he didn't want anyone to go through them. But Matt brought up good points, and he eventually caved and agreed. Matt appeared in Tom's doorway, fully dressed and holding the keys to the car. He swung them around in his hand as Tom slipped his shoes on and walked up to Matt. "Where are we going? How long are we going to stay out?" Matt didn't answer the questions. Instead, he replied with a simple, "You'll see." And headed out towards the door. Tom gripped Matt's hand and continued the questions. "Does Edd know we're leaving?" "Yes, I already planned everything." "Maybe we shouldn't leave Edd alone so much.." "He likes the peace and quiet. It helps him work on the Eddisodes." Tom gave up. Matt wasn't going to tell him anything, so he may as well just go along for the ride. Matt slid into the drivers seat of the car. Tom hopped into the passenger seat. The car wasn't too fancy. It was a simple, grey, Jeep Explorer. It had a few small dents, dings, and scratches, but nothing that would make it look out of the ordinary with the normal traffic. It was only 2:46 in the afternoon. They had a lot of time. Matt stopped by Starbucks. (What a basic white girl amiright,, *cough cough* it's not like I get Starbucks what.) "Do you want anything?" Matt looked at Tom before he drove up to the ordering speakers. "Just a normal coffee with half cream and quite a bit of sugar." Matt nodded and ordered. Tom felt awkward, but was happy to get some caffeine after his depressive episode. He felt much better, even just after a few sips. Matt could see the considerable difference, and smiled at the road.

Matt pulled up at an empty playground. "We're here!"

Wow! This chapter nyoomed by huh? Sorry for jumping around so much.
Hope you enjoyed!