Heart Eyes.

To the broken hearted girl.

I know what it's like to be torn up, broken and numb. I've been there more than once, and once is just enough. Each time is worse.. i don't know why they say otherwise. I know you want him to love you. You dream of being together, marrying him, being a happy family perhaps. I don't know. I just know it doesn't get any better before it gets worse.

That's just the cold truth. I am sorry you are dealing with such a burden that you can't control. I wish I could take the pain away. I wish I could make "him" love me too. I would in a heartbeat if that was a possibility. I will tell you this, it will get better. I know how it feels to not think it will. You've attached yourself to this human being and out your potential into them, believing you would grow with them. I know. I wish I could grow with mine, make things right. 

I know how much you love(ed) him. I know how much you want him to love you, because you probably love him more than anyone in this world right now. I know for a fact that for me, it is the truth. Don't beat yourself up over this. For it was not you. Or him. It just is a fact of life. Unfortunately... nothing lasts. I don't want to say that because I hate that. I go through depression and I know how you feel right now, probably at your absolute worse than you've ever been. 

Last time I truly lost someone was summer of 2015.. It was my first real heartbreak, my worst break up. I don't wish what I went through on anyone. I went countless nights crying, screaming inside that he would take me back. Hoping it was just a break. Maybe it was a dream? I didn't want to believe what was in front of me. A month of fighting, bad feelings, cruel words, mean things said to each other.. we finally parted ways. We haven't been the same since. I don't talk to him. I don't know when I want too again honestly. He's still in high school too.. young and dumb.Too much right now. 

I tried so hard not to let him go. I had him trapped inside my mind for months..Until last summer. I just kinda... put it in a box and put it up where I can talk about it later, because this time, in this day and year is not the time. 

Give it time. You will be okay again. Maybe not soon and maybe not the same as before. But it will make you a stronger person. Much stronger than before.