My Only One (Frerard)

Chapter 6: Weighted

Sirens filled the air. Her face expressed concern. I knew this was wrong. But I never told. I promised to keep my secret and I did. I didn't want to hurt her. But I hated her.

I woke up and noticed the different shade of white of the ceiling. Where was I? I shot up and looked around. I saw Gerard and all the memories of yesterday came rushing behind my eyes. Fuck. I cried on him. He looked so peaceful and so, so cute. I rubbed my eyes and tried to climb out of his bed. I can't fall for Mikey's brother. That's just weird, plus I never actually felt attraction towards any boy before. He woke up.

   "Morning Frank."

   "Morning."

   My head was pounding from all the beer yesterday. Just by moving was killing my head and made my stomach flip.

   "Drink water. It'll make you feel a little better. Don't you have school today?"

   "I will, and yeah but I'm not going."

   "Well obviously not. ....What happened last night anyway?"

   What did happen?

   "I know just as much as you do. I think I might've pissed someone off like the usual."

   "You were crying when I found you."

   "Why were you there anyway?"

   "I was at a friend's house."

"Oh."

"Why were you crying?"

I just shrugged. Gerard sat up and his eyes met mine.

"Well I'm here for you no matter what, okay?"

"...okay."

I bit back a smile, he really did care. He gave me a soft smile and he got up.

"I'll cook you breakfast. What do you like?"

What did I like?

"Uh... pancakes."

"Coming right up. C'mon."

He went downstairs and I followed him. I wanted to run my hands through his hair and kiss him, I wanted to hear him say that he loved me. I just wanted to be wanted. Gerard rummaged through his fridge for everything that's necessary for the pancakes.

   "...Can I have chocolate chips in mine?"

   "Of course, pancakes are never complete without them!"

   He smiled, I saw it reach his eyes. He's so innocent looking.

   "Great! ...... So I know you go to college, what college?"

   "NYU but I commute by the train."

   "Oh cool! The city's awesome, but I like Jersey more."

   "I actually prefer a California lifestyle, surprisingly."

   "You look like you thrive in the dark."

   "Gee thanks."

   I giggled and he chuckled. He started mixing and cooking. I watched his swift movements, in awe over how well he can cook. I just burn everything and call it Cajun. Gerard also grabbed bacon from the freezer.

   "Oh shit, wait you don't eat meat. I'll put this back then."

   "No no it's fine, you can have it."

   "Nah I'm good, not really hungry."

   "Oh okay."

   The batter sizzled on the hot pan.

   "Frankie wake up, I made you some French Toast."

   I woke up in a big bed, I looked up at her, she was smiling wide.

   "Thank you.. where are we?"

   "We are in a hotel. We'll be free soon, don't worry."

   "How'd you make the French toast then..?"

   I looked at the plate. It wasn't even close to food. There was just fuzz from around the carpet made in the shape of bread and water as the syrup. I looked back to her in fear.

   "I just did. It's fine. Eat up Frankie! We gotta be ready for the day!"

   She laughed and shoved the plate to me. I felt tears fighting their way out and I hid under the blanket.

   "I don't wanna do this anymore! I wanna go home! I'm done!"

   She rubbed my back.

   "No Frankie. We have to keep going. It's too late. We're in love and I know the world isn't ready for us but we can totally be free!"

   "Frank??? Snap out of it!"

   I shook my head, shaking the thoughts away. They were getting longer and more frequent.

   "Why are you crying...?"

   I looked at him, my hands flying to my face. I wiped my cheeks, not realizing until now. I tried to keep my cool and not break down. I fucking hated this. Maybe I should shove the pills down my throat and become a zombie. Gerard hugged me after shutting off the stove top. I felt ridiculous for crying in front of him again.

   "....So what do you go to college for...?"

   "For art.. but.. why are you crying..?"

   "It's nothing... I just uh.. remembered something that was sad."

    He looked at me for the answer.

   "You know, Marley and Me is a bitch, makes me cry every time."

   He couldn't help but to laugh, he shook his head and patted my back.

   "You got that right. Let's get back to the pancakes."

   I nodded as he let go. We ate in a comfortable silence after that, a few words here and there. It was nice. We never spoken to each other for so long before, or simply seen each other for that long. He dropped me off at home on his way to work. I didn't want to leave but I knew I had to. I waved to him, and he waved back. He looked strange. Something about him is off but he gave a smile before driving off. He was all I could think about that night until reality kicked back in.
*************************

   I woke up to a scream. My alarm clock glowed the numbers 2:13 am. I hopped out of my bed and ran to where the scream came from. My living room. Everything was trashed and broken. My mother was on the floor, Ted standing over her. She was broken, he trashed her. I went up to him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him back, pinning him against the wall. He was drunk. He barely kept his balance as I beat the shit out of him. I stopped soon after though, I had to get my mother some help. I called 911 but I got interrupted by Ted. He regained his balance and I was his next victim.

   He got arrested and my mother was taken to the hospital. I wasn't too hurt. Not enough to be taken to the hospital to be admitted myself, I went with my mom. The ambulance felt small, and a lot less cooler than in the movies. I felt helpless. I couldn't protect my mom. I failed as a son. I felt all this anger and sadness and I needed a way to release it. But I couldn't leave her. Not like this. I needed a different outlet while I waited in the hospital waiting room.

   I started to get sick from the sterile smell and blind from the white walls. I couldn't stop thinking of Gerard. I called him, and luckily he answered. He came to meet me in the waiting room and I hugged him close. I never felt this way about anyone else except for her. But I hated her. But I loved her. I didn't know how I felt about anything anymore, my mind was just melting into a puddle and I was drowning in the deepest part. Gerard gave me a look of concern, his eyebrows furrowed together. My heart was beating out of my chest and I felt dizzy. I couldn't stop myself from what I wanted to do all along.

   I grabbed the back of his head and pulled his face down to mine. I kissed him.