The 100 One Shots

Bellake ~ Process of Healing

Bellamy watched on in shock as Clarke walked back to Camp Jaha, blood dripping from the knife in her hand. Raven's cries seemed distant, though he held her close. He could feel the shocked horror radiating from Marcus and Abby at what the young girl from Pheonix had done and the disgust the crowd was expelling, having witnessed the murder before them.
But what was she expected to do? Sit back and watch the man she loved get tortured, his only company a crowd of foreigners, relishing in his pain? She did what no one else would've had the strength to do. Instead of Finn feeling the pain of multiple deaths through barbaric torture, he passed peacefully, in the arms of the girl he loved.
Clarke would have to carry his death with her till the end of her days, she had killed someone she loved and as if the guilt, the agony and the self loathing was not enough she was going to have to put up with judgemental disgust from people who did not understand, because they wouldn't have been able to do what she did. They were weaker than she was.
Still frozen he stared as she pushed through the crowd, her pace quick and her shoulders trembling. His reverie is broken by the sight of her tear stained face and he turns, passing Raven to Abby and fighting his way through the mass of people towards Clarke. Never before had he seen her cry in public, especially not in front of thousands of people.
He continued to push forwards, becoming increasingly annoyed at the people who stood between him and his girl. Weeks ago he had made a list. Don't ask him why he did it because he didn't really know. It had never been finalised on paper or anything but as he had laid awake one night he had made a list of who would protect, if and when it came down to it.
Octavia had been his first thought, though that was a given. Nobody came before his sister. But then Clarke's face had appeared in his head which many wouldn't find odd, of course he would protect his fellow leader. Though she could protect herself and yet he realised he had realised he would sooner die than see any harm come to her. They had grown extremely close, inseparable even, in the last few weeks and he knew her like the back of his hand as she knew him, yet he hadn't before made the connection in his head about why he would go to such lengths to protect her. He should've known; she had taken up residence in his heart and only just now realised how much he had craved the company.
Pushing the thoughts out of his head he focused solely upon the young girl who had just slipped into her tent, disappearing from his view. Quietly he opened the flap and was met with the vision of Clarke, the strong powerful leader of the 100, on her knees, tears streaming down her face, breathing in short, quick gasps, her chest heaving. Now that he thought about it, Clarke had let three men really into her heart. Her father, who had been killed by her mother, Wells, who she had hated for the wrong reasons and then was killed by a little girl she had tried to protect and Finn, who had gone crazy searching for her and in the end she had had to kill him, so he didn't suffer.
  Silently himself down beside her, wrapping his arms around her trembling form in an attempt to smooth her. Softly he ran his hand over hair, murmuring gentle words of nothingness into her ear. He became pleasantly surprised when she crawled up into his lap and buried her face into the crook of his neck. Second turned to minutes and the minutes stretched on as they sat there, trying to come to terms with what had happened.
  Neither knew how much time had passed before her breathing started to even out and quite frankly neither cared.
  "Thank you," Clarke murmured as his hand ran over her blonde curls for what seemed the billionth time. Though the repentance of the gesture seemed to be soothing to both of them.
"I'm sorry, you lost him too." She states continuing on and Bellamy's jaw almost drops. He was accustomed to her being selfless, it was one of the many qualities he loved about her, but this was a whole new level for her. This was basically self neglect.
"Clarke you really need to stop being so selfless. You don't always have to be strong and you don't always have to pretend. You did the right thing even though it was so hard and it's OK for you not to be completely ok about that." He didn't know whether this would help her, but what really could help someone who had been through as much as Clarke? She would forever carry the burden and pain that came with losing people that you loved and nothing could ever change that.
"But don't you see? I'm the one that caused this mess in the first place and now everybody's either hurting or hates me. Both actually, judging by Raven's screams." She states plainly. Her voice sounds hollow, mechanical and very un-Clarke-like. That's when Bellamy realised she was in shock and his reassurances were futile and weak, nothing could even begin to even numb this type of agony and Bellamy could only do so much for Clarke. Though he was willing to do anything and everything.
"Nobody caused this mess it's just life. And yes life's crap sometimes but your father, Wells, Charlotte, Finn they would want you to keep going and I think they're worth keeping going for." Hoping he didn't sound insensitive was no use as the words were out there now and all he could do was try to gauge her reaction.
"Do you really think I don't want to move forwards? To escape from my past and get away from all of the loss and the pain? I would love nothing more than to be able to keep moving but heart is in pieces and I don't even know where the pieces are much less put them back together. I'm lost Bell and stuck, here, in the darkness." The words alone caused Bellamy pain, but the agony he saw in her eyes provoked his own agony and he realised now that he would do whatever it took to find those pieces and put them back together; as good as, no, better than, new. Instead of replying he picked her up, cringing at how little she weighed, and, ignoring her protests, carried her the few metres to her bed, carefully setting her down before reaching over and slipping off her boots, placing them beside her bed.
Long ago he had been in the library and read something about people in shock should never be allowed to get cold so he grabbed the blanket and, pushing her down as gently as he could, covered her with it. Her eyelids were beginning to droop and he realised that it must be very early morning, possibly nearly sunrise and that he could no longer hear the crowds outside. Smiling to himself he ran his hand over the blonde curls he had become so accustomed to one last time before turning and making his exit.
"Wait. Stay. I can't be alone Bell." Her voice cracked as she said his name and he swore so did his heart. He could never deny her. And so he nodded, shrugging off his shirt and boots before climbing under the blanket with her, arms wrapping around her small frame and resting his chin atop of her head. Following suit she threw one arm over his torso and entangled their legs.
Seconds later he heard her soft snores and somehow He knew that everything would be ok. They had each other and that was all that mattered. He would wait for his princess.