Choose To Be Happy

Chapter Eleven ~ Confusion

JESSICA'S POV

  As we were walking out to the parking lot, things got ackward. Neither of us knew what to do so we just lingered around for a few minutes. He started to lean in to give me a hug so I returned the favor. As we were pulling apart, things got fuzzy. I didn't know what was going on and I don't think he did either.

We were so close I could feel his hot breath fan across my face. My heart stopped momentarily, waiting for the distance to completely vanish. I felt my eyes slowly close and our lips were about to touch, but then he pulled away. It felt like my heart was just ripped out of my chest. If he didn't want to kiss me then why the heck did he even lean in?

I studied his face for any sign as to why he pulled away or even so quickly, but I couldn't even bare to look at his face long enough to tell. I kept my focus on my converse and tried to let it not bother me. Why didn't he want to kiss me? Am I that bad? Why did he ask me to come?

I shouldn't even care because I have Ryan. I'm not sure what I feel for him. I mean before things started happening with me and Jared, I liked Ryan a lot. But now it's different. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing. I reached into my back pocket and the caller id said it was my sister.

"Hey, what's up?" I was sorta glad she called me because of the silence between me and Jared. She started asking me where I was and telling me how worried she was because I hadn't been responding to her text messages. She told me that mom is worrying too so I should probably get home soon.

"Okay. I'll be home in a few, love you too. I will, I always do." She told me to be careful and drive safe. I slowly look up to face the guy that rejected me. He looked sad and confused. I don't know why because he was the one that pulled away, not me.

"I-uh have to go...my family is getting worried." I said in a half whisper so he could hear me slightly. His eyes lowered toward the ground before he cleared his throat to speak.

"Uh y-yeah okay." He took a long pause before continuing. "I'm sorry Jessica...I-it's just that me and Ryan are friends and I d-don't want to hurt him. It w-wasn't you....it was- well is, me."

I didn't know what to say so I just looked at the ground. I know him and Ryan are friends, but I still wish he would have kissed me. Maybe if he would have kissed me then I would be able to somehow choose between them. I'm definitely attracted to Jared and it seems like he was attracted to me to, but then again he didn't want to kiss me.

JARED'S POV

I watched her get into her car and start her engine. I felt even worse than when I pulled away from the kiss. Well almost kiss. I should have kissed her. I wish I would have. That's all I've thought about since that day I saw her in the hallway at the bathroom. I think I made a mistake.

She pulls away and I climb in my Range Rover. I sit there for a few more minutes just listening to the playlist on my phone. The song Apologize comes on. That's when I realize that I made a mistake and I need to fix it, fix it now.

I text my cousin and ask for the address next to hers. She quickly responds back. I have known that my cousin, Cassandra, lives beside Jessica. I didn't want her to know that I know where she lives cause that would be weird. But right now I could care less. All I know is I need to fix it. I need to kiss her.

I pull in her drive way and luckily the lights are still on. I build up enough nerve to get out of my car and walk to the door. Standing there at eleven o'clock at night I'm only hoping her mom doesn't get upset because I'm here. I ring the door bell and here quiet footsteps head to the door.

Who I'm guessing is her mom answers the door and gives me a questioning look. "Hello, can I help you with something?" She says sweetly. I nervously shift for a moment before responding.

"Yes, I-um can I talk to Jessica please? It'll just take a second." She replies with a 'yes' before calling up stairs for Jess. I hear her loud footsteps coming down the stairs quickly. My hands start to get sweaty and my breathing became uneven.

Her eyes land on me and she looks to the floor. The sight of her in her pajamas and her hair in a bun with her glasses on makes my heart drop to the ground. She is stunning in her simplest form. As she finally gets to the door she tells her mom we will be on the front porch for a minute.

She comes outside and closes the door behind her. "How did you know where I lived?", she said shakily. I knew she would ask me this. "Um, my cousin lives next door so..." I said. She nods her head and looks to the ground. This is my chance to really apologize and make things better. Come one Jared, you got this.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright... I mean we were alright. I know I told you that I didn't kiss you because of Ryan, and that's true, but I really like you Jessica and being friends with him doesn't change the feelings I have for you. I feel awful for pulling away. If I could take it back-" she cut me off in mid-sentence. She had a smile on her face and she was looking at me intently.

She said, "I understand that you and Ryan are friends, but to be fair, you were the one that asked me out so it just confused me when you did that." I try to take in what she said. She starts talking again. "And as far as me and Ryan, we have been on one date and it was good. He never asked me out so we aren't "together". Therefore, it wouldn't have technically been wrong if you kissed me."

As soon as she said that last part, I lost it. I quickly closed the distance between us, catching her off-guard. I crashed my lips against hers and became lost in the moment. She responded sooner than I expected and our lips were in perfect sync. I could stay like this with our lips together forever.