Make My Way

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Aria's POV

Stella and I looked at each other and slowly pushed ourselves up off the couch. We made our way upstairs and I peeked out the window by the door.

Nooooooooooo, I thought. This was going to be the perfect girls weekend.

Standing outside the door was Blake, Merrick, Adrian, Easton, and Xavier. "What are you guys doing here?" Xavier pushed past me, going inside.

"I brought them. We're crashing Stella's party, can't you tell? I used to come here all the time as a kid." Of course he did. He and Stella had been raised practically like brother and sister since neither one of their parents were home very often. When they needed a nanny to watch them, Xavier and his siblings would just go over to Stella's house for however long was necessary. They never went to Xavier's house. I'll put it this way- while Stella's family was very financially well-off, Xavier's wasn't quite so fortunate. They had enough to get by comfortably and lived in an average sized home, but never did anything special.

The boys let themselves in and threw their bags on the floor by the door. Then, they went downstairs and joined the other girls at the TV. "The Fault in Our Stars" kept playing and to our surprise, none of the guys argued. Merrick even said, "This is my favorite book!"

Merrick sat down on the chair in the corner and Vivian went to join him. While they cuddled on the chair, I could see Stella's annoyance calm down as Xavier pulled her down onto the couch on top of him and said, "Just like old times." He really was like her big brother. "Happy birthday, cuz." She smiled. Blake settled himself down between Willow and Aura. Aura, looking like she was having the time of her life, sandwiched between Blake and Xavier. Easton collapsed onto the floor in front of the couch holding five people, snatching a pillow from under Xavier's arm on the way.

I rolled my eyes and went to sit back on one of the bar stools. Adrian came down the stairs after me and managed to nearly trip over the piano bench even though it wasn't in the way. I stifled a laugh as came over to sit beside me. He nudged my arm to try to get me to stop, but it just made me want to laugh more. I shook my head and heard Easton say, "What's going on back there?" causing six heads to turn in my direction.

I laughed and said, "Nothing!" They turned back to the movie. I turned my chair to face the screen and felt someone playing with my hair.

"Your curls are very soft and bouncy," Adrian's voice whispered from behind me.

"Thank you?" I responded, confused. I let him keep running his hands through my hair and when he finally stopped, it was to pull up his chair beside me. I decided if he got to play with my hair, why shouldn't I play with his? I reached over and tousled the front of his ashy, expresso colored hair. He turned to face me and smiled. His hand reached over and touched my leg softly. Oh, so that's how you want to play?

I moved my hand from the front of his head to the back. I ran my fingers up the back of his head, ruffling the slightly shorter hair. I felt him relax and he gave out and audible sigh. His shoulders raised almost unnoticeably and head tilted back. I smiled. Check mate.

We were only half on our own chairs now and definitely much closer than we were before. I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder. My arm rubbed against his and I remember what I needed to talk to him about. I lifted up my head and he looked at me. I stood up quietly and gestured for him to come with me. We sat down along the back wall of the room, opposite the TV. I sat with my body facing him and looked into his eyes. I held out my hands and he copied me. I reached out and pushed the sleeve of his sweatshirt up to see what I already knew was there.

Vertical scars lined his right forearm. I reached my hand out and ran my fingertips over each one. They were rough to the touch but most of them seemed pretty old. As I got closer to his wrist, a few seemed more recent, newer. I looked back up at him and slid his sleeve back down. I turned my body back to face the movie and leaned onto his side. "We don't need to talk about it if you don't want to. But if you do, I'm here." There was a minute of quiet between us, as we listened to the movie.

"It was freshman year. I had a solo in choir at the spring concert. I started the song off. I knew people had been talking behind my back about how I could never seem to get the starting pitch and how I was going to ruin the song for everyone. I told myself that that wasn't going to happen. I would prove them wrong." He took a deep breath. "Onstage, I started singing. I got through the first two measures before I saw them. The girls from my class and the class above me whispering and pointing and laughing. At me." I saw his jaw tense. "So I went backstage and sat in a dark corner after the song. Vanessa had been out there, laughing at me. She had just broken up with me. A few people half-heartedly told me I was great, but they didn't know what was going through my mind."

"That night, when I got home, I told my parents I was going to bed. I went into my room and locked the door. I found my old pocket knife and opened it up. I sat on my bed and looked at my arm. I remember thinking about it for a long time. Trying to decide if I really wanted to do this. But I did. And with the first cut, the hot blood running down my arm, it felt so good. It distracted me. The pain took my mind off what was going on. I couldn't stop. Cutting made me feel so much better. It soothed my thoughts. It became my escape."

"But after a while, I started becoming immune to the pain, it didn't help anymore. I stopped. No one ever found out. I think a few of the guys noticed them in the locker room last year, but they didn't say anything. It started again this year. I thought I could do it, but I couldn't. Every little thing someone told me, teased me about, got to me. I started cutting again." He stopped. I could tell he didn't want to talk about this year right now.

"I only have one question, and I want you to answer completely honestly. I already know the answer," I said and he looked at me. "Are you okay."

His hazel eyes showed me everything I needed to know as the glistened in the dim light of the screen, but I needed him to say it. He needed to say it.

"No."