Regret your Rejection yet?

Need to know.

I need to know. I need to know how everybody really felt about me. I silently will listen and wait and find my answers. I can't believe someone would do that to someone like me. I'm not sure what the heck he was thinking!! he knows what I've been through! he knows everyone of my deepest darkest secrets!! he knows what it feels like to feel like shiz for weeks and months because of a rejection. He even knows what it feels like to have his mate die. Ideth died in a car accident two years after she left. He felt it. All of her hurt. He if all people should know not to fork with someone's life, heart, and emotions like he has. shiz dude, I can't believe his luring self I just want to stab him. in the neck. with a spork. and throw him down a flight of stairs into a pit of bricks, spikes and fire. And a demon comes up and grabs him in a choke hold and drags him in the pits of hell and makes him peel onions for the rest if his eternal suffering life.

Okay maybe that was a little to harsh. I mean he did save me and take me from a life of suffering and pain, and showed me warmth and love. Even if it all was a lie. So maybe we could take out the spikes from the Pitt of fire. but still, to fork with some one like that, why the hell would you do that? Some kinda sick pleasure or sum shiz? Ah, well I ain't goin take that shiz. ill go down with a fight before I let him break me. I know it seems like I've already been broken by him, but think. he saved me when I was Broken. And by that point, I was cutting myself to take back from the emotional and mental abuse from the pack house, because they weren't allowed to hit me in the house. And when kids got physical at school, I just figured I'd deserved it. I couldn't ask for a better life now. he saved me from the brink of suicide. Good thing he got there in time. or else I wouldn't be here today. shiz. I basically owe him my life! And I just did that? Damn I'm a selfish bish.

Why couldn't I ever think of anyone but myself? Oh, I've been hurt more. Or, Oh, he should know what I've gone through. He's been threw it. Its time to face the facts Lilly. Your a selfish bish that cares about no one, but herself. What could it hurt? Only living yourself would only possibly mean you can't get hurt. And being selfish? That just means your looking out for yourself. Look, see, I'm doing it again.

I'm going to start a new life so what's the point in just carrying about everybody else? What's the point in even loving anyone when in the turn around you are the one who gets beat up and trampled. I'm becoming super sexy and having a smoking hot body when I get out of this. then I'm getting a tattoo on my side. Of maybe a dream catcher. And I'll get my hair dyed with chocolate swirls since its already blonde.

I'm going to be a badass.

I can't wait to get up now.

I heard someone walking in the room. The chair beside my bed moved and someone say down in it.