Turning Point

Dear Somebody

Dear Somebody,

Naranasan mo na ba yung, lagi mo siyang nakikita dati, nakakasalubong, pero wala ka lang pakialam tapos bigla nalang isang araw, hindi mo alam anong nangyari, you suddenly see that person in a different light, tapos ngayon hindi na siya mawala sa isip mo, siya na yung bumubuo ng mga araw mo. Because if you would ask me that same question, yes, I did experienced that, with you. Hindi ko talaga alam kailan ito nagstart or maybe this started when I stalked your facebook account, may nagsabi kasi sa akin ng name mo but hindi ko na sasabihin yung reason bakit kailangan kong tignan yung facebook acount mo, while stalking you I got amazed by you, ang active mo sa church mang-aawit ka pa yata, sobrang family oriented (cutie ng mga pamangkin mo!! Sorry ang stalker ko huhu), tapos based on my sources matalino ka daw, you graduated salutatorian in High School, tapos consistent BYA scholar ka pa until now kahit mahirap yung course mo, responsible, parang sobrang perfect mo tuloy, this is probably the reason why I like you, sobrang pasok mo kasi sa ideal guy requirements ko, lalo na yung pagiging active mo sa church plus points pa kasi maytungkulin ka. 

Unfortunately, you don't even know I exist, we never even had a chance to talk, I never even had a chance to introduce myself though honestly, I don't think kaya kong magpakilala haha , siguro plan na rin ni God yon kasi he knows na kapag nakilala pa kita baka ipanalangin ko pa sakanya na ibigay ka nalang niya sakin, and sobrang greedy ko naman kung ipapanalangin ko pa yon because I know I don't deserve you. God knows I don't deserve you, you're way out of my league. I'm not in your days, not even in your memory. I'm just a mere stranger to you and I don't stand a chance to be by your side even if I wanted to. Average student lang ako, I'm plain and boring, I have a lot of insecurities, I'm a mess and malapit na graduation yet I still don't know what I want to do with my life, hinahanap ko pa yung sarili ko samantalang ikaw you probably already know what you want to do, may goals kana. This is why I decided to let go of this feeling, iu-uncrush na kita bes! I won't do stupid things anymore just to see you, I won't look at you if there would be a chance that we'll pass by each other on the hallway. I won't look for you anywhere I go, I won't hope anymore for a chance to see you every day. I'll just stop whatever this is I'm feeling right now. Sobrang layo kasi ng agwat natin and aayusin ko muna yung sarili ko, physically, mentally and emotionally, because I don't know I feel like I'm broken inside, hindi kasi ako okay emotionally. 

Plus, my friend likes you too, she liked you first, and I feel so guilty for liking you too. Hindi ko naman alam na ikaw pala yung gusto niya, until tinuro nila yung guy na gusto niya. I was shocked to see that it was you. I didn't know she likes you when I started liking you, kung alam ko lang sana pinigilan ko na yung sarili kong magkagusto sayo. Nung kinwento niyang gusto ka niya since 1st year college I already know that I should give up on you, I already know na dapat ako yung magparaya, so I acted that I don't know you whenever she talks about you, I supported her. Whenever she tells me how much she feel exhilarated, and kilig whenever she sees you pass by the hallway, I teased her and laughed with her like how a good friend should be when her friend likes someone. But deep inside, I envy her because she can freely tell other people how much she likes you. She has a boyfriend alright, but I can't blame her, sino ba namang hindi magkakagusto sayo diba? And kahit may boyfriend siya, I still feel insecure you know, kasi feeling ko, mas may chance siyang magustuhan mo. Because we can't be together, there will never be a chance for the two of us, sobrang dami kong flaws, I just don't really deserve someone as perfect as you.

 I hope you'll achieve your dream to be a CPA, and while you're achieving your dreams, I'll also find myself, I'll organize my life, aayusin ko sarili ko para kapag dumating na yung pinagpapanata ko, I won't have to give up on him like how I gave up on you kasi alam ko deserve ko na siya. I just want to say Thank you, because whenever I'm having a bad day, makasalubong lang kita sa hallway or sa library, okay na ako. Thank you because whenever I feel so stressed, depressed and unmotivated, makita ko lang yung smile mo kahit hindi yon para sakin, sumasaya na ako. Gagraduate na tayo this april, ikaw magfi-fifth yr pa, iiwan ko na yung school natin, iiwan na kita, iiwan ko na din kasama non yung feelings ko sayo. I'm finally letting go of my one-sided love for 2 years, Thank you somebody.

Yours truly,

Nobody

031117