WARNING!! SELF HARM TRIGGER!!! If you have experienced self-harm or are easily affected, please stay safe and don't read this chapter. SKIP TO THE NEXT FAT TEXT I love you all very very much. Thank you <3
*flashback one year ago*
Kenma sat in his room, alone, succumbing to this empty feeling he knew far too well. Depression is something you get used to in a way, but you never really accept it. Every time it consumes you it feels like the first time. Maybe because you fall deeper. Sink lower. You can see the surface but it's so far away, why even bother swimming up for air?
Looking over his legs and stroking them gently, from the knee up the scars went crossing each other. Just where the shorts ended they begun and went all up his thigh. They've all healed. They're nothing but light red marks on his legs now. A permanent signature of a horrible memory. Hidden under clothes but always with him. Constantly reminding him of those nights..
He shutters just to think about it..
He hasn't cut for a whole month now, he's been good. But it doesn't mean the pain has left. The stinging pain from the cuts, yes, but he still feels this emptiness inside. That hasn't changed. That never changed.
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He reached out his slender arm and grabbed his trustful ukulele, he secretly likes singing his feelings but if anyone knew he would deny it.
One song he knew by heart that always made him feel seen, he felt like the writer understood him and he wasn't alone in this big cruel fucking world. He cleared his throat and placed the fingers on the strings.
Made a wrong turn, once or twice.
Dug my way out, blood and fire.
He felt the tears creeping up behind his eyelids, but he wasn't going to let them win. Hoarse and shaking voice he continued.
Bad decisions. that's alright.
Welcome to my silly life.
Almost cracking, he sang. He wasn't going to cry today, no way.
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good'
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing.
Underestimated, look I'm still around.
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel.
Like you're less than, fucking perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel.
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me.
You're so mean, so mean when you talk.
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices, change the voices in your head.
Make them like you instead.
So complicated.
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred.
Such a tired game.
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Kagehina - What love's suppose to feel like
RomanceKageyama is a quiet profile, he doesn't like sharing what's going on in his head. He didn't have much to say until he suddenly felt strong affection towards his best friend Hinata. It was weird. Not only because Hinata was a boy, Kagayama had never...
