Kagehina - What love's suppose to feel like

Chapter seventeen - My heart's too big for my body

"Imma rollin' thunder their asses!" Noya shouted and whooped an imaginary ass in the air.

"It wouldn't hurt to use nice language for once" Daichi mumbled and reached for the rice across the table.

"You're not my mom!" Noya snapped back and crossed his arms.

"Hm?" Sugas head turned and he had a mouth full of rice.

Karasuno sat in the middle of the dining hall by the biggest table, like a big family gathering for dinner. Kageyama and Hinata sure were a bit late but they took places beside each other by the table, without getting too much unwanted attention from the others.

"Which means you have to choose between Valor, Mystic, and Instinct but you can only do that when you reach level five" Tsukishima explained to Yamaguchi and pointed in his phone.

"What do all those mean? Where is Slytherin?" Yamaguchi said and giggled slightly, turning his head to the blonde.

"Slytherin? This ain't Harry Potter.." he took off his glasses and facepalmed deeply.

"I'm confused, I haven't played Pokemon since I was a little kid" Yams turned off his phone and placed it in his pocket in defeat "Remember when we use to play as actual Pokemon in the woods when we were little?" he rested his head on his boyfriend's shoulder.

"Don't talk about it so loud" Tsukishima shrugged him off and looked down, but he did remember. It showed on the light shade of red his cheeks took.

Hinata was in the middle of shoving food in his mouth and chewing loudly. He received a soft punch on the shoulder by his boyfriend with a muffled "Slow down Sonic, geez"

"That's right! I'm Sonic the Hedgehog!" Hinata said with food in his mouth and started humming the theme.

"Stop that, you're embarrassing yourself, dumbass" Kageyama said and pushed him again. The little redhead bounced back from the push and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek. Kageyama didn't bother trying to stop him, their little secret is out anyway. 

He turned to Hinata and asked if he was done eating, where he got his answer in a nod from the smaller boy. They stood up and made their way out of the dining hall, Kageyama in the lead with his tiny boyfriend close behind him in a tight grip by the wrist.

The gym door slammed as the couple entered, it was completely empty. Perfect.

 Kageyama didn't hesitate to slam Hinata against a wall, kabedon style.

"You know exactly what I like.." Hinata said and bit his lip, looking up at his boyfriend with big puppy dog eyes and a bit of innocence on top of a flirty wink.

"Of course I do, I know you and I love you" Kageyama said slowly in a low voice and leaned in closer "Just tell me if I'm doing something that upsets you-" he got even closer and was almost whispering, almost touching Hinatas ears with his lips "-and I'll stop.."

Hinata giggled, Kageyama backed away a little bit and smiled too. A real boyfriend smile. A smile only true love could have. A smile only Kageyama could have. Hinata knew he made Kageyama smile in a way he only did when he was truly happy, it made him feel special.

When he tilted his head, blushed a little and smiled so some of his teeth would show. That kind of smile made Hinata feel warm inside. Fuck butterflies, he had the whole damn zoo in his stomach and he would never wish to have it any other way.

"I love you, Tobio"

"I love the way you say my first name like that"

"To- Bi- yo-" The shorter boy reached further up with every syllable until he kissed Kageyama, sucking his bottom lip. Kageyama wasn't slow to speed up the pace, kissing back passionately.

Suddenly the door slammed behind them with a loud crash. "Shit" Kageyama worryingly turned his head eyed the door. Hinata looked confused.

"Someone saw us.." Kageyama muttered and clenched his teeth. Letting go of the smaller ginger.

"But the team already know, Kageyama it's fine-" Hinata said and fought for eye contact but didn't succeed.

"It wasn't someone on our team.."

---

Kenma landed on his feet from standing on his tippy toes. So it was true? He ran from the gym, tears filling up his eyes and streaming down his cheeks, his breath noticeably shaking from the sobbing. He saw everything. The look in his eyes, the look Kenma dreamed about receiving. The look he gave Kageyama, just like a prince in a Disney movie. The happy ending.

Kenma ran faster, in hopes that he somehow could outrun the tears. Outrun his painful pressure he felt in his chest. The heartbreaking reality. But it kept following him, like a shadow.

Hinata would never be his. He knew that, though he was not ready to try and forget him just yet. He couldn't just move on. He didn't want to. Somewhere in his brain, he wanted to believe that Hinata could like him back. But the way he looked at Kageyama so gracefully, like a scene from a movie, he would never look at Kenma that way and he knew that.

Every nightmare scenario in his said just got confirmed, right before his eyes.

He knew the voice in his head very well saying Hello! Wake up! He is already in love and nothing can change that, you're just not good enough for him. Get over it!

But Kenma couldn't forget him. He didn't want to. Hinata was the only person to understand him, Kuroo tried to understand him, but somehow he never got as close as Hinata did. Hinata reached deeper than a childhood friend, which is hard to do. The only one who knows Kenma better than Hinata is anxiety itself.

Anxiety had his back and was always there for him. Anxiety protected him from what was bad and gave him solutions, answers, compulsions. It forced Kenma to do all these things because no one understood him as Anxiety did. Anxiety had his full trust, and that made him blind. Anxiety was such a big part of him that he didn't recognize himself without it.

Heartbreak was only adding to the list o things he had to deal with without any energy left to deal with. Like the pills weren't enough, they weren't working anyway so I guess it didn't matter.

'There's nothing you can do..'

There it is again..

'You always act like I'm not around..'

Why are you possessing me like this?!

'You aren't good enough for him.. You'll never be..'

Why are you in my head?!

'You can try to escape.. But you'll always listen to me..'

Stop! Please!

'Because you're nothing without me..'

Kenya's head spun around and around, the voices in his heads made him feel dizzy. It was like drowning. Like having hands and feet tied up underwater and not being able to do anything. Panic attacks could be triggered by anything and they're usually really bad, Kenma has bad blood circulation too, it could be dangerous.

The last thing he saw was the open door to the dormitory before he lost consciousness and fell hard to the cold, dew graced ground.