At school the next day, I cancel on Phil for tonight. He is a bit upset, but that seems to be all I do to people lately.
He texts me that night that he's sorry if he did something wrong. That breaks my heart even more.
I'm the fucking worst person. He thinks he's the problem. No. I text him back.
Dan: Don't say that. You're being the best to me and you're the best friend I've had in a really long time. I'm sorry that I'm the way I am. I have so many issues and things to deal with, and I don't want to dump that on you.
Phil: I would be glad to take the load off of you anytime, Dan. You're a great person, I don't care that you have problems. Hell, everyone has problems. I do too
Dan: I know.
Phil: I'm coming over
Dan: no, Phil its 9 pm you don't have to.
Phil: you're right. I don't have to, but I want to. I'll be there in 10 :)
Not even ten minutes later I hear a knock at the front door and Alice let's him in.
"Hey." He says.
"I didn't know you were still coming Phil, I can make some snacks or something if you would like." Alice says.
"Oh I'm fine Alice, I think we're just gonna hang upstairs if thats okay with you." He says.
"Alright. Well let me know if you need anything, and don't stay up too late Daniel." She warns me. I roll my eyes and trod up the stairs.
Phil follows me. When we get to my room Phil Suddenly becomes very serious.
"Whats up with you lately? Is something wrong?" He asks.
I shake my head as if to say no.
"Dan I know something's up. You can talk to me. I of all people won't judge." He says.
I know, it's just. It has to do with something I don't talk about to anyone. I sign.
"Does it have to do with, why you don't talk?" He asks. I nod.
"You can still tell me what brought this up though. I swear to God if it was Zach and his followers I'm gonna-"
It has nothing to do with them actually.
"I don't want to seem pushy, I just care a whole lot about you and don't like seeing you upset." He says. My heart breaks a bit more.
It's just a fucking therapist that I have. She pushes me way past what I'm comfortable talking about and I can't take it. I sign.
"It wouldn't happen to be Dr Jackson would it?" He asks.
Yeah, how did you know?
"Oh my friend had her. Her way of making you better includes making you very uncomfortable for the first few weeks, but it's very effective." He says.
He's siding with her! I sigh. I plop onto my bed face first and just lie there.
"Are you upset at me?" He asks. I don't respond.
"Dan I'm sorry. I know she makes people feel like crap for a while, I just mean you'll feel better in the long run." He says. I feel him sit next to me on the bed.
I lift my head and rest it on my hands.
"I'm sorry." He says. I shake my head.
You're not the one making this big deal out of nothing. I sign.
"Oh Dan shut up. Its not nothing. Let's just change the subject. I have an idea!" He says.
What?
"We make a blanket fort!" He says.
He grabs my hand and pulls me into a standing position.
"Here, we should drape your duvet over this chair and hook it over your bed then we can get under it." He says. I pull the duvet off and he fastens it over my chair. We both pull it until there's a little cave between my desk and the bed.
"Okay, now we need pillows and blankets and food and Netflix. Then we'll be all set." He says. I grab my pillows and an extra blanket from my closet.
Phil finds his laptop and asks Alice to make us popcorn.
We settle under the fort, and he pulls the one extra blanket over the both of us. When Alice comes in she squeals.
"Oh you two look so darn cute! I need to document this." She pulls out her phone.
"3-2-1" the flash goes off. I only half smile, but Phil wraps his free arm around me for the picture. He doesn't remove it afterwards.
On the laptop, we watch supernatural and Phil starts fangirling over destiel.
"Oh my god I want something like they have." Phil says.
"Wait no I want to date cas. No, dean. No- I want to watch them have an actual relationship." He says. Phil likes guys? I thought he was straight. Phil's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
What did you say? Sorry.
"That's okay. I said I don't care what your sexuality is, if you wouldn't bang Jensen Ackles you're probably lying." He says. Shit. Please don't get into this conversation. Please pleas-
"Hey, what is your sexuality? I'm pan." He says. I'm silent. Wait, that's not new.. the thing is I'm not signing either.
I shrug.
"Oh, questioning?" He asks. I shake my head. Why did I do that? If I said I was questioning he'd of just left it at that.
"Then what? You just don't want to tell me?" He asks. He sounds hurt. I sigh and shake my head.
It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's that I don't tell anyone anymore. I sign.
"I'm sorry." He says.
It's fine. I tell him.
Now things are awkward between us. He removes his arm from around me and pauses the show.
Why did you stop the show? I sign.
That's when he kisses me.
His soft lips move against mine, and his hands tangle themselves into my hair. My hands cup his face.
That's when I realize I've made a mistake and pull away. He's made a mistake too. Why did he kiss me? Why did i kiss back? Do I actually like him? Does he like me?
"I-I'm so sorry Dan, I shouldn't of kissed you. I'm sorry. I probably have just ruined everything." He says, inching away from me.
Its fine. Let's just forget it for now, okay? I ask.
He nods.
"Okay."
A/N
It seems as if I have a few readers.. well holo, don't mind me lol
I'm on spring break, so I'll be working on chapter 8 over it and hopefully publishing it in the next week.
Don't forget to leave a vote and comment what you think of this so far♡
Thanks for reading!
~Rowan
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silence//phan
Fanfiction[ON HOLD] dan howell has been in foster care for 3 years. when he moves into a new home, he expects everything to be the same deal. bullies, feeling like a freak, and being given back within a few months. then he meets phil. phil has had his own sha...
