Boycotting Blue

26/Blue

Blue

 

I probably should not have bothered Tio, but….

     “Lou’s walkin’ that way—in the cold….” I watched her through the window. She walked quickly and tightly, like she was angry. Which, if Lou was walking alone in the dark, she probably was. “I think—“

    Tio gave me a look. “We’re not invitin’ her over here. You’re fuckin’ lucky I let you come back home with me.” His eyes strayed back to the TV momentarily, but then they looked out the window. He swore under his breath but turned his head completely. “She’s not my problem.”

    I frowned. “You said you loved her like a little sister.”

    He gave me a look. “Blue, she is not my kid. Lou is goin’ on eighteen damn years old—she can handle herself. According to the state, I only have one kid in this house, and I’m sure as hell not handlin’ him well enough.” He looked away, turning up the TV.

   I sighed, not dragging my eyes away from Lou until she disappeared out my sight. I wanted to get up and go to her, but I didn’t think she wanted to see me right now. I was too much damn trouble for her. “Can I go—“

   “No.”

    His tone let me know he was not up for argument. And I didn’t understand it one bit. If you loved someone, you loved them even when you were angry. Even when Evangeline broke my heart, I still would’ve went through hell and back for her. Which made me wonder why he couldn’t do the same for Lou. “If you love someone—“

   He was up in a flash, glaring at me. “Escuchame, Blue. I’m not goin’ save Lou. She’s been runnin’ away long enough. It’s time she learned to face her problems.” He sat back down just as quickly as he was in his seat. “Say anything else about it, and you won’t even leave this house for school.”

   I shut my mouth. The thought of being stuck in this house drove me crazy. At least at escuela I could see Lou. Although I was sure Tio would find a way to mess that up, too. He had already changed my schedule to keep me out of certain classes.

   “It’s nine thirty. You should be gettin’ ready for bed. You do have school tomorrow.” He turned the TV off and left, getting in his car. I thought for a minute he was going after Lou, but he went the opposite way, speeding off into the night.

  I drug myself upstairs, checking out the window after every few seconds. I wanted to see Lou come back, enter her house, and look unharmed. But no such look. Wherever she had went, she was there to stay because she didn’t come back, even after it was twelve, and I was laying awake in my bed, watching for her.

   Sighing, I quietly opened my door and tip-toed downstairs. I paused when I heard voices whispering in Tio’s room.

   “I’m tryin’,” he said, his voice low and slurred. He had been drinking. “I can’t get through to him, especially when he’s hell-bent on destroyin’ himself.”

   I could see the shadow of hands going through his hair gently. “Juan, his most impressionable years he spent around the gang life. He won’t change overnight, and you can’t stress yourself trying to change that. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

   I sat down on the stairs to listen.

  Tio sighed. “His dad, my brother, came back. That same day, Blue was back out sellin’ drugs.” He captured the woman’s hand, placing it on his chest.

   Not the same day. The next night.

   La mujer was quiet, resting her cheek on the top of his head. Finally she spoke. “Find somethin’ that’ll get him to act right. You said he loves basketball, which is why you bought the basketball court, right?”

  Another sigh from my uncle. “Yeah… and he’s on the team. But he still isn’t actin’ right. I want him to actually have a chance at life instead of throwin’ it away because he thinks he has to die young like everybody else.”

  I didn’t have to die young. I would die young. I had caused someone to be killed. It was only fair.

  La mujer kissed the top of his head. “Did you talk to him about this?”

   “I know my nephew. Blue doesn’t listen. He never will until you fight back with him.” He blew out a deep breath. “I’ve fought back, I’ve almost broken his nose, and I’ve threatened him. He won’t do right, Carolina.”

    Carolina made a noise I knew was included with an eye roll. “That boy needs love in his life, not death threats, Juan.” She slapped his chest. “He wasn’t raised with a mother. He doesn’t know love. The first sight of it will change him.”

   That wasn’t true. I liked to run away from love. Push people away. What if I abandoned them like mi madre abandoned me? Or like Evangeline did? Or even like mi padre? I didn’t want anyone else to feel that kind of heartache.

   “Really? Because I’m sure Lou is in love with him, and he hasn’t done a thing but stay in trouble.” I thought he was done, but then he continued. “Then again, Lou got him on the basketball team and out of trouble for a few days. It wasn’t until my brother came back that he started goin’ crazy again.”

   “Then bring back Lou in his life.”

    He snorted. “Yeah, right. That girl has her own set of problems. Her mom is a porn star, her dad is never around, and her sister committed suicide after gettin’ raped. Hurt can’t help hurt.”

   I wanted to punch him in the throat. How dare he talk about Lou like that?

   Carolina slapped him. “Juan, you shut the fuck up.” Her voice had that accent all black girl’s got when they were angry. “What those two are going through, we have no damn idea. They can understand each other’s loss and pain. By separating them, you’re not helping a damn person between these two houses!”

   He laughed. “You know I like it when you slap me, baby.”

   I heard the bad squeak as she tried to get up, but Tio pulled her down almost immediately. “I’m sorry, Carolina. I’m sorry.” He kissed the back of her hand, and she stayed still. “I get where you’re comin’ from, but I want to protect Blue. If she leaves him—“

    “She leaves him. You can’t go around stopping everyone from gettin’ close to Blue because you’re afraid he’ll get hurt. You have to let him realize himself that people are going to hurt him, leave him, and betray him. Everybody goes through that. He has to learn to watch his heart and tell the difference between someone who’s there forever, and someone who’s temporary.”

   I didn’t like them discussing me. I didn’t like a faceless woman knowing more about me than should be necessary. I clenched my hands together, knowing I had to stay. There was something important that needed to be said, that much I knew. And I wasn’t leaving until I heard it.

   “Carolina, what if it drives him over the edge?” He sounded afraid.

   “If Lou is there, it won’t. If she is, it will.” She sat back down, the covers rustling as he made room for her underneath them. “But you have to let him make that decision of who he wants in his life.”

   “How do you know?”

    “Juan, I know my son.”