Boycotting Blue

30/Blue

Blue

I skipped school that day.

    When I came home at my regular time, there were cop cars up and down the street. Thinking it was for me, I swore and pulled into the driveway. This is it. This is the day you finally go to prison, Blue. The sad part was, I didn’t even care. I didn’t want to deal with what life had given me. Lou was better off without me. Tio could care less. Evangeline, which she had been alive, had lied to me. And now mi madre was back.

   But la policia didn’t even seem to notice me. They disappeared in and out of homes, into backyards, and through the forest without a second glance. At Lou’s casa, her mother was standing on the porch, her hands clasped tightly together, looking out worriedly. Lou’s dad was screaming about something I couldn’t hear, his fist clenched. And then Mario, her brother, was sitting on the porch, glaring ahead.

   Donde esta mi bebe? I thought, opening the door and going inside.

   A sickening feeling had settled into a lump inside my stomach.

   The lights were on, the smell of burritos was wafting through the air, and I could hear voices. Carolina. Tio. I didn’t want to see her, but I had to figure out what was going on.

   I entered the kitchen. Tio was cooking shirtless, smiling back at mi madre. They both had twin smiles, the smiles you got from being in love. A little pain shot through my heart—did I look at Lou like that? Did she look at me like that? How could mi madre sit there and smile at mi tio, but not at me?

    Tio looked at me, his face falling. “Blue—“

    “Why are there so many policia out there?” I demanded immediately. I didn’t want to hear his answer because I felt like I already knew what it was. Just don’t be dead, I thought, picturing that even row of white teeth smiling up at me, those full lips on mine. I couldn’t picture her eyes closed, her body still. Dead was supposed to be me—not her.

   He shrugged, but I could see he knew. “I have no—“

   “Don’t fuckin’ lie to me,” I growled. “Why. Are. There. So. Many. Police?”

    He started to say something, but then he stopped and turned away from me. “Ya no se, Blue. I don’t know.”

    I stared at his back before moving. I needed payback for him damn near breaking my nose earlier. I stalked across the kitchen and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around, I reached around and punched him. “You better fuckin’ tell me what’s goin’ on, especially if it’s Lou.”

   It felt good to hit him. I wanted to do it again.

   Tio glared at me with blood running down his nose and into his mouth. “Escuchame, Blue, if you hit me again, I will end your fuckin’ life, comprendes?”

    Oh, I understood alright. “Is she dead?”

    “I wouldn’t tell you.”

    I reached up to hit him again, but this time a hand stopped me. Carolina, mi madre, stood there with her hand closed around my fist. “Blue—“

    “You let me go,” I snapped, pulling away from her. “You don’t know me.”

    A flash of hurt went across her face. “You’re right, I don’t. But you’re not angry at him.”

    How did she know? She had known me all of three days, tops. She had only heard of me, seen me a place or two. She didn’t know who I was angry with me. She didn’t know me at all. “I’m angry with everybody,” I growled, turning around and getting in her face. “Especially a mother that abandoned me.”