The Life of a Self-Harmer. A Liam Payne fanfic

Its all not real

We sat in my bed. I wanted to tell him, but he would be disappointed in me.

FLASHBACK

I am breaking nothing about me is right. five months clean. just fading scars sit on my wrist. I grabbed it. shame. shame. shame.

DO IT.

DO IT.

DO IT.

I wanted them to go away. but it's been a year exactly today.

Your probably wondering what was a year ago today?

My older sister. she committed suicide. it was the hardest day of my life. I came home from school my parents were working, so I went upstairs. I walked into the bathroom, and there she was. dead. blood and pills. I called 911 I told them what happened. I then Called my mom. She screamed. we don't talk about it a lot. but after her death, our family feel apart. my parents started to fade away from each other. that spark they had was no longer there. it was a no longer burning fire. just the after fact of it. ashes. It was all black. that when I felt like nothing was left, like I had no hope left. I would walk up and go downstairs and hope to see Aleah siting eating Cheerios at the breakfast bar, but I would go downstairs and just her empty seat. it was so quiet. she was my best friend.

Flashback over

I walked to her gravestone.

Aleah Mai Monty

September 13th 1994- February 15th 2013

Life isn't something to give up on.

I read her grave stone over and over again. her favorite quote. but she didn't follow it. I just miss her so much. I want to just see her once. One more time just to say goodbye.

"It's been a year. Leah. I miss you so god damn much. you meant so much to me. I came home and you were there dead. it's hard mom and dad. they're fighting a lot. they're talking about a divorce. I already lost you I don't want to loose someone else. it hurts everyday your not there. just keep in mind I love you so much. keep it in mind." I felt tears start to over whelm me.

"You Weren't just a sister. you were my best friend. just please come back tone. everything is falling apart." I stopped talking."theres something I need to tell you. I started. I've been clean for a while. just it's hard to stay clean. you thought no one knew about you cutting yourself. I knew. I knew it from the beginning. I never knew why. I never made sense." I was crying. that's when I felt her. I could see her in front of me. she had the brown wavy hair blowing in the wind he glowing blue eyes. She was in the outfit she dressed herself in the day she died. a light wash skinny jeans, and a flows purple top and her run down high top chucks. she was gorgeous.

"Hey I just heard what you said. don't go because I went. stay strong my diamond in the rust. I love you sissy. just remember that. And you did say goodbye. I never went to school that day. I killed myself after you left for school. you even said you loved me. don't hold on to that anymore. I love you. And hold into Liam he's a keeper" and like that she was gone like the wind. I did say good bye. I told her I loved her. I can finally sleep on that now. It's not like I let her go on nothing. I just stilly want her, I still need her

AN: OH MY GOD I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHAPTER OH LORD!!!! IT IS AMAZING!!! I let my mom read it and she said I was some of my best work! (She wants me to be a writer when I'm older because I'm good at it)

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much love 💕💕💕💕💕💕 Lexi