The Life of a Self-Harmer. A Liam Payne fanfic

Unexplainable

she didn't want to feel pain, but that's all she felt. - anonymous

Alexis POV

In my head things didn't exactly make sense. we'll they never were. But things we're different. I felt the pain of being alone. I was lost. I was confuesed. I was not mentally stable. I was not safe. I was losing everything. I couldn't keep living like this. i needed to change. physically I wasn't here. I wasn't mentally here either. all I felt was pain. I want to keep running but I couldnt. my feet would take me any where. It was annoying. anxiety was getting the best of me. this was it. I was giving up after I promised my self I wasn't going to. after I promised that id stay strong. That's id fight for liam. but you can only fight a battle for so long before giving up. I don't want to give up. but in a sense I feel like it'd be nice. peace in my head. Peace in my life. that'd be nice.

Giving up.

Two weeks prior

Liams POV

I felt bad for her my love was falling apart and nothing I could say was going to change her mind. It hurts me knowing she feels this way. I want to help but she won't let me in. I was gong to see her today. I put on a red flannel and khakis and black high tops and left. I drove in silence to her house. I pulled into her drive way. got out of the car and walked in. I said hello to her mom. and went up to her room. I heard crying. I knocked on her door.

"Mom go away okay?" She sounded hurt

"No. it's Liam babe. let me in babe cmon." she wasn't budging. "lex, let me in."

"LIAM SHUT UP JUST FOR ONE SECOND JESUS!" I was thrown off. I waited for five minutes. I found the key to her bathroom. I unlocked the door. an there she was cleaning up blood.

"Babe. No no no no! Not again you promised. you promise you'd never touch a blade again. please no. baby your better than this. you're worth the fight. cmon." she shoved me away. I was taken back.

"LIAM BACK OFF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND YOU JUST CANT STOP IT DOESNT WORK THAT WAY!" She said that then broke into tears. her head fell to her knees and she cried she cried for a long time. I pulled In to a hug.

"The thing is I do under stand." she pulled away. gave me a look of confusion.

"What do you mean?" I sighed tears being brought to my eyes.

"I uhh used to self harm. I used to starve myself and burn and Tare at my skin till it bleed. alexis I know it hurts like hell. I know. I've been there I just want you to get better easier said the. Done. iknow. " I had small tears breaking through my eyes. Alexis pulled at my sleeve. I showed her. scars every where. I truly was ashamed.

"Why?" Her small voice said.

"My uhh dad used to hit me. pretty badly. I was diagnosed when I was twelve with depression and anxiety. That's why I get so mad when you hurt your self. Not because I'm angry because it annoys me you that someone that perfect could be doing that to them selfs. I hate seeing you in pain lex. please stop darling."

"I just am thrown off why have you never told me this Liam?" Tears slowly falling I was broken.

"It's a place I don't like to revisit. it's scary and it's a lot to bring back and handle. but I understand. I'll always understand and I'll always have your back." I kissed her forehead " I've always been a firm believer in that only you can start your own recovery. peoples words can only enforce you so much towards your decision. but in the end only you can change your path. At the end of the day you do you. I just want you to do the right thing alexis. I love you. I want you to choose your own faith. Choose your ending an make it be a good one"

"But I want to be happy Liam. I'm just not! And it's so frustrating that I'm not anymore!" She said crying

"If you want to be happy, be happy. that simple. if you want it bad enough the you will get it. Everything gets better. only time will heal it. there's always some tooth paste left in the tube."

An/ long time no see, pre writing these! So faster updates.

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Much love❤️❤️❤️

Lexi