(This is gonna be a long rant)
Okay, so first I'm gonna give ya'll some backstory.
So, I moved to a new school, new house, new friends, everything. I was In 4th grade when I moved, so I was about 9. I was horrible at making friends. Like, seriously horrible. I had some shitty friends, some okay people I hung with sometimes, and then the only real friend I had from 4th grade up until now.
we're gonna call this friend T. Now, neither of us had friends then, because I was socially awkward, I wore the same hoodie literally every day, and I talked to everything except real people. T, was silly, immature, and had no understanding of personal space. Then one day, on a field trip, we started talking. We talked about Doctor who, bugs, Green day, and other random crap. And from that moment on, we were besties. We would spend most of recess walking around and talking. We had a lot in common, like music tastes, school subjects, and crappy childhoods.
So, we were great friends for several years. In sixth grade, I developed a crush on him. (This was before I knew what trans was, so I identified as a girl)Then, at another field trip, at the end of sixth grade, T told me that he also had a crush in me.
Time skip to eighth grade. We grew even closer. I was going through a rough depression, family issues, and bullying. He was really nice during this time. Several times he checked my arms to make sure I didn't self-harm, he stood up to people who teased me, and he said he would always be there for me, no matter what. We dated for about a week, before I had to break it off, due to my parents rules. We stayed close friends, up until the end of eighth grade.
I wore some black clothes one day. He told me "Are you going goth? Because if you"re going goth I won't talk to you anymore." ( the next day I showed up in all black, the least girly earrings I had, and my mom's red lipstick. T flipped out)
Then, over the summer, I got my ear pierced, I shaved half of my head, and I bought all black clothes. When I showed for the first day of ninth grade, his first words to me were "Oh, good, you're not goth anymore." To which I turned my head and showed him my new haircut and piercing.
Sadly, he didn't stop talking to me. He just got meaner. He started talking shit about my friends, my clothing choices( I still wear that damn hoodie from fourth grade) and my grades. He stopped talking to me when he got a girlfriend (somehow). He hasn't talked to me in a week, and it's been great.
Okay, no, It hasn't been great. T was the only reason I didn't fucking kill myself ( or someone else) He was my first real friend in a new school. He told me I was the nicest person he'd ever talked to, that we would be friends forever, and that he would always be there for me. He gives great hugs, makes dumb jokes, and always tried to cheer me up when I was sad. He didn't mind that i was always the Doctor when we played Doctor Who, or that i still slept with stuffed animals at the age of 12. He didn't care that I was one of the smartest kids in class, and still managed to forget how to spell my own name. He thought it was funny . He gave me candy, remembered my birthday when no one else did, and was always nice to me. he was my best friend, the first boyfriend I ever had, and now he doesn't even talk to me.
Now, he's a homophobic, transphobic, sexist piece of shit and I still consider him my best friend. I used to stand up for him all the time in middle school, when my other friends would call him mean, and rude,and gross. But now, I just hate that I didn't see it sooner. I hate that I wasted my breath standing up for someone how ended up being exactly what they said he was.
