Moriuchi Frontmen

Chapter 11

Taka's hands dropped at my question. His eyelids faltered as he lightly pursed his lips, looking away. 

"Who told you about Kaoru?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Hiro mentioned her name... I don't understand anything he says, though," I heard Taka lightly curse before cracking his knuckles.

"Please just don't ever mention her. Hiro's probably talking nonsense again," By now, I was already sitting up, my back straightened as I stare at Taka, begging for an answer.

"I don't see why you don't want me to know about who the hell she is. What is wrong with knowing about her? Why can't I know anything? Why the heck did Hiro say that you killed her?" I stared at him intensively before he sucked in a breath and sighing. I cocked my head to the side, all the while staring at him. He can't just leave me without answers, this goddamn thing has been bugging me for such a long time. "I want to know what happened," I asked, this time with a tone much softer from previously.

"There's a reason why I'm not letting you know this, y/n," I furrowed my eyebrows at his words. 

"If you really don't want to tell me then it's fine," I muttered, walking towards the bedroom, only to be held by the wrist and spun around to meet him in the eye.

"I can tell you... No, I want to tell you about everything," What's with that sudden change of thinking? I cocked my head to the side before sitting on the sofa, next to him. Taka bit his lips, as if to think of where he should start his story. "Before I met you, I was dating Kaoru for about 5 years," I nodded my head as he told the obvious first. In my heart, I was badly anticipating for the climax of the story to be told but I guess I'll just have to wait for it. "Do you know that song I made? Heartache?"

"Ah... The one about missing someone and stuff," So that girl is Kaoru? Taka nodded his head before looking down.

"I wrote that song for her first death anniversary. To be honest, I still miss her alot, but having you," He placed his arms over my neck. "It felt as if I could start all over again,"

"One of the members mentioned that I was similiar to her," a smile lit up his face.

"She was the lead vocalist of her own band. She also ran away from an abusive home, and tried to keep herself from crying in front of anyone like you. I only saw her cry once or twice," I nodded my head. People say that they end up liking someone with similiar characteristics as the ones they used to like, now I think it is true.

"And what was the thing about you lying to her and causing her death?" Taka's smile immediately disappeared as his head hung lower than before.

"I..." I sensed Taka's discomfort in explaining this part of the story. "I cheated on her for I think, half a year before she found out. At that point of time, she was facing mild depression, but her condition worsened after seeing her best friend die right in front of her eyes and... I sort of added to her depression. I was really insensitive at that time, and I fucking regretted my actions, but I can't ever tell her sorry anymore. When she told me about seeing her die, I just merely told her to get it over with. Then she found out about me cheating with this other girl and I guess... That was it. She couldn't stand it anymore and committed suicide from the rooftop of her apartment," A single tear rolled down Taka's cheeks. My thumb rubbed his hands as I used my other hand to wipe of his tears. "I'm sorry... You probably hate me right now, don't you?" I hesitated for a while before shaking my head. "Having lied to my ex girlfriend and driving her to suicide, I don't think I can ever forgive myself on that," 

"It's been so long. You have to move on with life, you know?" 

"I am moving on, but the fact that I caused someone I love to kill herself... It's unacceptable,"

"You're not entirely the reason she died. And she probably forgives you, seeing how regretful you are," Taka held my hand tightly.

"You're not going to leave me, aren't you? After knowing who I was... what I did You won't hate me and break up with me, right?" Taka asked with pleading eyes, hoping that his fear will not become a reality. I ran my fingers in my hair with a smile. 

"No... Why would I? I know you've changed, that's your past self and this is your present self. All that matters is the present," I said as I pulled him into a hug. "I promise I will never leave you," I felt Taka's fingers cling ever so tightly onto my shirt.

-----

We were in an empty parking lot; a bouquet of flowers in one hand and Taka's hands in the other. It was already the fifth anniversary of Kaoru's death and I thought that it would be a good idea to pay our respects to her before Taka flies to another country for a performance while I start camping in the recording studio again. The columbarium was absolutely quiet except for the brushing of floors heard once in a while when the cleaner comes to clean the place and the constant sound of water from the pond in the middle of the columbarium. After a couple of turns, we finally ended up in front of Kaoru's niche. This was the first time I saw how Kaoru looked so I was surprised by how strickingly similiar she looked with me. Her face looked almost like mine but much more sharper. Her hair fell to her shoulders as her hair was swept to the side to produce a faux side shave. I'd say, she was the definition of chick rock fashion while I leaned towards grunge fashion. Placing the bouquet of flowers down, I cleared my throat before stepping back and giving a small bow to her. Taka interlocked his fingers in mine and I look up at him. 

"Kaoru-chan, how long has it been since I last saw you?" A slight laughter left Taka's lips. "I'm sorry I couldn't meet you, I was starting to get busy with tours and couldn't find time to come here. How are you?" It sounded as if Taka was asking questions, obviously recieving no answers. "Remember the girl I always told you about? She's y/n," Taka gazed at me, all the while smiling before looking back at Kaoru. "Isn't it surprising how similiar the both of you are? It was as if she's your twin sister." Taka started chuckling for a few seconds before speaking again. "I'll meet you once tours are done, and I hope you'll love y/n as much as I do," I was clueless at his words, obviously from the fact that I didn't understand Japanese but also by the tone he spoke which was light hearted but with a tinge of sadness. "I still miss you, Kaoru-chan," Whatever he said, I knew clearly that he still has that place in his heart for Kaoru, a place where no one can replace, where I can never take over no matter what I do.