theres that party trick that everyone knows
where you take the table cloth and swiftly tug it off the table but all the plates and cups and cutlery stay.
i feel like i am preforming this trick for the 100th time.
(but the first with real glass)
i am grasping at the cloth with sweaty palms wondering if it will all shatter or if i'll get lucky when im pulling it up from under the fine china.i am dragging it slowly
until eventually
i whip it off.
and my demise begins
because everything clatters to the ground, sending sparkling shards of porcelain and glass across the room.
............................................................................................
i dont know what to do anymore. this is a balancing act and if one minuscule detail goes wrong all we do is shatter. i am scared.