When The Flowers Bloom

Mayday

It felt like was my chest was going to explode from the pressure building up inside. I couldn't stand it. How could this all go from being a happy love story, to a dreadful nightmare? Did...Did she even love me in the first place? I doubt it. Who could love an ugly, clingy, weird, dull, stupid freak like me? She was so perfect, too. She was my angel. Of course it was too good to be true...

"Save me," I thought to myself.

"My demons are drowning me."

I turned up the volume on my headphones, music blaring into my eardrums. The bass of the music settled into my skull and rocked it wildly. It felt like a boxer's blow shook me with every vibration, yet I felt no pain.

That was only for my heart.

I grit my teeth and wiped the tears off my cheeks, wrapping my blanket around my neck, until it snuggled me.

I longed for it to be her which snuggled me.

All I wanted was to cry, or to at least have someone...no, someone sounds like I'd have anyone. I wanted her. I wanted to hold her and have her run her fingers through my hair and get lost in her astronomical eyes, while we talked about how much we loved each other.

I wanted all of that back. Where did it go?

I was so glad everyone had left the house. It would be embarrassing trying to explain why I was crying. It would be too much to explain to anyone in the world that I felt I was drowning in loneliness, sadness, and jealousy. That my lungs felt like they were about to bust from pressure almost consistently. How it felt like I couldn't breathe. How I wanted peace of mind. How I wanted peace. How I wanted her.

I kept on revisiting happy memories of our time together, and how happy I was. How happy she seemed. How did all that change...and was I to blame? I can't help but blame myself. The sad thing is, I blame myself for that, and all my friendship issues. I'm the reason my friends secretly don't like me, or like me very little. That has to be the truth.

"Nothing is your fault. You're perfect how you are, love..."

I vaguely remember the day we parted, and I broke down in front of her.

She wipes my tears from my eyes, tears forming in her own. She tries to calm me down, but ends up tearing down in my arms. She explains why she has to leave me. I have my doubts, I believe it is my fault. I end up storing my sadness. My first priority is to make her smile. A princess shouldn't have to deal with melancholy doings, should she?

I missed her, I longed for her, but I felt myself growing stronger.

Perhaps...nothing was my fault at all...

I grabbed my phone and opened up the messaging app, found her name, and texted.

"Hey! How're you doing? 😀"

Minutes passed.

Then an hour or so.

Then a night.

Before I knew it, I had fallen into the abyssal embrace of sleep.