My Universe

Suicidal Rant

I just wanted to rant about suicide for no apparent reason. Nothing really inspired this. I just have wanted to say this for a really long time.

Ok, try not to think I'm a complete monster for what I'm going to say. I understand the hardships and challenges suicidal people have to face. I get it, I really do. But this is just my perspective and I know not everyone will agree.

Wanting to kill yourself and doing it makes you weak. Living when you don't want to is what makes you brave. That's how I view suicide as. I know because I've had experience with suicidal thoughts and didn't have the drive to want to live. I didn't want pity because those times were when I was weak. This isn't a rant about overcoming everything and it will all be ok. No, this is an honest point of view and I'm not the type to sugarcoat everything.

I don't care what you're experiencing. Your problems are never an excuse. You're not being upset, you're being sorry for yourself without realizing it. I don't blame you, depression makes everything not seem as it is. But you need to realize you're using the wrong approach. It doesn't matter how much your life "sucks" because deciding to end it makes you die a weak and surrendered individual. It states that you're giving up and letting life defeat you.

It doesn't matter if you want to die because you failed a math test or because you're facing a life threatening disease. It doesn't matter how big or small your problem is, death by choice will always be the easy way out.

"My best friend betrayed me, I want to kill myself"
"I'm hungry and homeless, I have every right to feel suicidal."

Which one of those statements are accurate? Neither. Both of them are wrong. Suicide isn't reserved for certain people. Anyone can have thoughts of it. But no one should.

That's the difference that matters.

Life is a game of tests. You live, you pass. Not the other way around.

If this is too mean, you probably shouldn't be here because I only state the truth. I'm not trying to be salty either. Don't expect me to say "everything's gonna be ok." Everything's not ok and I don't know if it will be ok so I try not to say that unless you need me to.

"I don't deserve to live."
"Everyone would be fine without me."
"I hate life and want to end my own."
"I'm better off dead."

You want to know how I feel when I hear people say things like that? No, not upset. Angry. Frustrated. Furious. You were blessed with a beautiful thing called life and you're taking it for granted. You know how many people died without a choice? They didn't choose to die but they did anyways. Do you know how many people would be willing to be in your spot right now? Yet you're willing to give it away in an instant. Also, you were placed on this planet for a reason. And that reason is to live. Whatever you believe in: God, fate, science, the universe, etc. You were placed here for your own reason. Don't you think you would be dead already if you didn't deserve to live? But fate/God/science/whatever decided you're deserving of life. Sure, innocent people die but that's because it was their time to go. If it was your time, you wouldn't be here. And it's not your time. It's not your destiny.

It's challenging now, for sure. That's because you haven't found your reason to live yet. Whether it's someone or something, you need to find a reason to smile. A reason to be happy. Sure, you could have everything you want and still feel suicidal. That's why you need the drive. If your reason to live is gone, then just be patient because that only means something better is in store for you. If you haven't found your reason yet, you really have to be patient. Who knows? Maybe you never will find your reason. But at least you were brave enough to live anyways. Would you rather die fighting or die as an act of cowardness?

You really have no valid excuse. I don't care if anything that could possibly go wrong happens because suicide is still not the "only option" and it never will be. The other option is living. I'm not being hypocritical either because I've actually experienced this and I know what I'm saying. I'm not bashing suicidal people, I'm trying to help them because I have been there before. That's when I was weak. That's when I was selfish and didn't think about how my disappearance would be affecting my loved ones. That's when I pitied myself and believed it was the only option. That's when I almost let life win.

You're not supposed to. You can't let it win. You don't know what death's like yet you assume it's going to be easier. How would you know? You wouldn't know. Besides, I don't see how it could possibly be easier in any way.

Imagine life was a flawless, happy place where innocent people never died and nothing terrible ever happened and world peace, etc, etc. All of that. Flowers and rainbows. Would you want to live in that life? We're not supposed to be perfect, we should have flaws everywhere. We should feel the worst pain imaginable. Without pain, we're nothing. We don't have anything to fight for. We don't have anything to defeat and get stronger from. We're dull, boring, and weak. We need pain to give us to the extra push.

Alot of us need the extra push because another common trend I'm noticing is lack of confidence. I hate when people self doubt for no reason. You never need to be good enough for anything or anyone. Even if you don't feel you're good enough for youself, confidence is still always vital. Before you believe in anyone else, you have to believe in yourself. I know that's a common happy crap line but it's true. You have to help yourself first. Don't blame it on the voices in your head. The voices are your friends because they say you can't do it which should only inspire you or anger you enough to do it. Whatever it is, it's not a challenge. Your mind only perceives something as a challenge first. But after you complete it, it's not really challenging anymore, is it?

It's all in your head. What you think is real is just your deranged mind. Depression or anxiety are both factors that influence suicide. But that doesn't mean they aren't curable. So stop feeling sorry for youself and be brave. Live. Death isn't the only option so don't use it as an excuse. Its's never too late.

If you read this far, thank you for your time and hopefully this helped with your perspective on suicide. I'll end the rant with this:

Depression isn't a weakness. It's an illness.

Suicidal thinking isn't an illness. It's a weakness.

Find your reason to live.

~Raven ❤