Who Do You Think You Are? {Larry/Ziall AU}

Prologue

The two boys sat in the small exclusive café without exchanging a word. The younger of the pair picked at the small, tasteless quiche, that the stick of a waitress had lain before him not seconds earlier, while the other sipped lightly at his watery tea.

They passed knowing glances at each other but never uttered a sound.

The brown eyed boy glanced around the shop that they had entered and took in its surroundings. Small, quaint, warm and homely. A recipe for ninety percent of every other cafés. The walls were plain and the brick was dull, some call it fashionable, the elder of the two calls it humdrum, stale even. The fire crackling in the corner was a fire hazard and an asthmatics worst nightmare, it made the shop stuffy and just plain hot.

The people running it had their noses attached to the sloping arches of the ceiling, as if the tedious coffee shop was a great achievement.

Both of the boys sighed heavily and raised their hands at the same time to ask for the check.

Although this café was high end, both boys hated it.

If they wanted to go to their grandmother’s house, they would have.

The young critiques took out their phones and the younger typed:

I think dead people would enjoy this café more than I did.

Service was slow.

People acted like complete snobs.

My quiche tasted ghastly.

The music was shit.

To improve:

Just rip the whole franchise down.

Yours truly Mr. M

The brown eyed boy typed:

It reminded me of my Nan’s house.

Stop trying to be “hip”. It’s not working.

Unoriginal.

Get some normal weighted people to serve us.

My tea was watered down so much that it just tasted like lukewarm cat piss.

I agree with my associate on this one.

Burn the café to the ground.

Best wished Ms. V

Both boys exited the café in a rush, paying by cash, heads cast towards the floor, wig on the elder and glasses poised on the gelled boys nose.

As soon as they had rounded the corner they took off some of their disguises and continued to walk, both trying to forget the horrible experience which was Calder’s Café.

“I still can’t believe that your alias is a woman” the younger one sniggered. The other hit him lightly over the head.

“It’s not my fault that I didn’t have my contacts in! Remember someone knocked them into the toilet!” he scoffed lightly, with a smile stretched across his pearly whites.

“Now you have to wear that disguise everywhere! Haha, sucks to be you! Have fun in those heels for me” the boy teased boisterously. The darker rolled his eyes and pushed the taller off the sidewalk. For a split second the taller lost his balance before he righted himself and returned the gesture.

“Yeah nerdy boy, whatever you say” the elder prodded slightly.

“But seriously… that café...” both boys shuddered.

“Let us forget that particular catastrophe” the elder huffed in a jokingly serious manner. The other boy nodded his head feverishly, his usually light hair, stuck to his head via a shit tonne of hair gel.

The young men walked arm in arm towards their flat, receiving plenty of shocked stares.

A few were of recognition, for one, both were well known internet critiques after all.

A lot were from shock.

A nerdy boy with gelled hair, thick rimmed glasses, basically the depiction of harry high pants, walking arm in arm with a beautiful – what everyone thought was – female with long glossy hair, heavily glossed lips and a fine tanned body.

They entered their loft and ripped off all of their pretences, muttering as each article of incriminating clothing was torn from their bodies.

Fucking glasses always getting dirty

Wig gettin’ caught up in my gloss

Why you choke me you son of a bitch… damn tie

Boob cups are so freaking annoying, they pinch my nipples

Why did I have to choose a vest? I was dying of suffocation in that hell hole!

Why the shit do women have to wear heels?

Goddamn! Finally! My balls can breath

What is the point of a skirt? I don’t want a breeze!

I don’t even like leather shoes!

Fuckin’ pantyhose gettin’ ripped an’ shit! This is like my second box and it’s only been three weeks!

The two boys continued their murderous string of mutters and stripped to nothing, stepping in the shower together, both completely unfazed by the others presence.

They only had three rules in the house:

When bringing any lady/male friends for a little adult sleep over, stick to the bedroom. E.g. no intercourse on the kitchen counter.

Never leave the loft through the front door as “normal people” always go through the back.

Don’t pee whilst in the shower with roomie.

So far those three rules had perfectly suited the lifestyles of the two young men who were currently reaching around each other, one to get makeup remover and the other gel stripper.

Once their shower was done, they both dried themselves off; the younger staying as is, in his birthday suit, while the tan boy grabbed a clean pair of grey topman underwear from the sink counter.

Then the younger of the two dropped a line that had the elder spluttering for air, choking on his own saliva.

“I want to go to a public school and be a student there”

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New story! WOOP!