Looking For Now↣l.h

11. Conflicted

"Cora?" My head whips around as I see my father come rushing towards me through the lobby. His face seems to have aged a bit since the last time we met, but I immediately recognize him.

I expected to feel many things when I finally saw a familiar face again; especially the face of my only real family member left. Maybe excitement, joy, overwhelmed, happiness, etc... What I did not expect to feel was fear.

I don't know whether I fear facing my father and letting him see the disappointment I've become, or if I fear him taking me away from this place. And that uncertainty scares me.

"It's you, it's really you," my father breathes in disbelief taking my face in his large hands and staring into my eyes for a second before embracing me and pulling me tightly into his chest. My mind screams at me to hug him back and assure him I'm alright, but I know that will only make it harder when it's time for him to leave. My arms hang limply by my side as my face is muffled against the fabric of his Yankees sweatshirt. I breathe in his scent; the scent of my home before Elias entered my life. Nostalgia floods through me and tears brim my eyes. I remember all of the times I would sit with him on the couch watching the sports channel. All of the times I would cry into his chest when I would have nightmares. All of the times he would hold me tight after I would get to thinking about mom again.

The memories send a stabbing pain in my chest, and I pull away quickly, forcing a smile as I look into his watery brown eyes. "Hey dad," I whisper. I was always closest to my father, even when my mom was alive. We both loved sports, so he would take me to all the baseball games, or football games we could make it to. We watched ESPN together and made fun of the commentators whenever we had free time, and he went to every single one of my games.

"What happened?" He asks and I think of a thousand ways to answer, none of which I'm willing to tell in front of the whole lobby. It was already uncomfortable enough seeing him for the first time with all of these people standing by.

"Can we go to my room?" I ask turning to Ashton, who has remained patiently by my side. He is a comfortable distance so as to give me some space yet at the same time still stands near me, almost protectively.

"I'll take you two to the visiting room now, okay?" He raises an eyebrow asking permission and I nod my head.

We walk into a small room with two couches facing each other and a short coffee table in between them. The walls are gray and bleak, similar to the ones in my room. I sit on the brown couch on the furthest side, my dad sitting across from me on the other blue one.

"I'll wait outside the door. Visitations are limited to fifteen minutes," Ashton informs us with a small smile and I nod my head again, waiting for the click of the door before speaking.

"Dad?"

"Yes, Cora?"

"Whatever I have to tell you... no matter how bad it is... will you still love me?"

"Of course," he replies quickly, his eyebrows furrowing in worry, "what happened? I thought you were in college with Elias, and doing great. Then when you stopped returning my calls a week ago, I knew something was up. I called a lot of people, and finally found you here."

I flinch at his name, and my father's eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"Is he the reason you're here?" He questions uncertainly.

I chew on my lower lip before simply nodding my head and looking away, unable to bear the eye contact.

"How? I thought you were happy with him?" He reaches across the table for my hands, but I pull them away tucking them under my legs. I can imagine the hurt on his face, but I refuse to look.