Looking For Now↣l.h

1. Final Resort

Chapter one

"I'm home, love," Elias shouts as he slams the door to our apartment shut. Shit, he's drunk I know he is. I cringe in the corner of our bed, but I know that it will only make things worse for me if I don't go out and greet him. Maybe I can calm him, I tell myself for what seems like the thousandth time.

After the party, we saw each other almost every other weekend we would meet half way between his college and home or he would just come to me. We went on dates and everything was perfect. I was falling in love. I used to come home, and sit on my bed. I'd stare at the ceiling, and admire the man I met. Admire him for the joy he's brought into my life. Little did I know that things took a turn. When I was younger, I used to look under my bed every night to make sure monsters weren't there. Now, I realize that they're not under my bed: they're in it. He's in my bed. He's in my life. He's got me wrapped around his finger: to the point where I can't breath. I'm being suffocated: to the point where I'll possibly die. But it doesn't matter, because deep down, I'm already dead.

Then I graduated and I went to his college so we could be closer. Worst mistake ever, he convinced me to find an apartment with him near our college and of course me being the love struck idiot I am agreed to it. That's when things got bad.

The first month of living together was perfect. We got to spend all of our time together and I loved it. Then we made love for the first time. It was magical, and perfect, better than I had ever imagined it could be, then two days after he changed. He changed in the worst ways.

He started coming home drunk every night after work. He would always shout at me and say horrible things we would fight, but he always won. I felt used. Once he got what he wanted from me and he claimed me, I had fallen his prey. I didn't want to leave him, he was my first time, my first love, and I didn't want to walk away from all of that. Then, he went from loud and shouting at me to abusive. He would hit me and beat me most nights when he got home, leaving me bruised and broken inside. He began to force himself on me and fucked me whenever he wanted to, but there was nothing I could do, he was too strong for me, and when he wanted something he got it. He was rough with me, very rough, and I had to begin online classes because I was to embarrassed to go to school as the broken mess I was. I don't know what happened to him, but I believe he knows he has me trapped, he knows I don't want to leave him because of how we were before, so he thinks he can do whatever to me and I'll stick around. At first he was right; I didn't really want to leave him. Finally, I snapped back in my senses and realized that he wasn't the Elias I knew before, and I couldn't keep living this way. I had to get out.

I tried to run once, but he caught me quickly and beat me worse than ever before. I haven't tried since. I wish I could say I got brave and risked it all to call the cops or anything really, but I was too afraid of him; of what he would do if he found out I called.

"Hey, babe," I try to smile as I walk into the living room to welcome him home, hoping to put him in a good mood. I softly pad over to him and wrap my arms around him, embracing him, "I missed you," I coo in his ear.

"I missed you too," he growls aggressively and hugs me back, tight, too tight, squeezing the air out of me. He pulls away quickly and grips my shoulders, firmly holding me back, so I'm forced to look into his cold, empty blue eyes, "do you love me?" He whispers shaking me slightly.

"Of course I do," I fake a small smile, but it wasn't good enough. He shakes my shoulders roughly.

"No you don't, you're lying," he shouts at me before smacking me across the face. A single tear rolls down my cheek, but I make absolutely no sound as I stare into his furious black eyes. His breath fans over my face and it smells strongly of alcohol.