Previously on Looking For Now:
After many therapy session and lunches consisting of freeze-dried slop sandwiches, Cora has been allowed her outing with employee, Luke Hemmings. They left unexpectedly early without a word to anyone including his best friend Ashton who has feelings for the patient Luke took. He did not even tell his boss, Ashton's mom who had just finally approved of the outing itself, but does not know he decided to leave early.
Cora had no idea that the early leavig was a secret. She knows Luke has a pretty good rule-follower and never suspected he was currently running from the law.
Cora's reason for being institutionalized is Elias her abusive ex who raped her and got her pregnant. Once she realized what had happened she knew she did not want her child to have this life so she escaped and tried to kill herself. A passerby stopped her and admitted her to safe haven. Elias is also the reason for Luke's mysterious early departure.
After an argument with his boss, Leigh Anne, Luke rushes out furious to the nearest bar and drinks a bit more than he should have. He coincidentally encounters Elias who has also a bit on the drunk side. Elias eggs him on until Luke beats him unconscious. The next morning Luke runs off to the beach with Cora meanwhile another passerby has taken Elias to the hospital where he alerts the authorites of what happened.
Luke and Cora start out having a great time and sparks fly as the two bond and secrets are shared. But a good thing cannot last forever. Cora accidentally runs into a tv that is broadcasting news of Elias's incident where they do everything but blatantly accuse Luke of the crime.
Cora's world is turned upside down as she now sees Luke as a man capable of the same violence as Elias.
***
Luke's POV
I stare at the words on the screen in complete helplessness. I cannot drag her away that will only upset her and make her more curious. There is absolutely nothing I can do to stop the girl I have fallen in love with from discovering my big secret I have tried so hard to keep away from her these last few days.
I cannot even make sense of the words on the tv, they are all blurred and jumbled together by an emotion that I cannot quite explain. Somewhere between torture, humiliation, fear, and anger.
My heart burns in agony as I glance at her beautiful blue eyes that dart across the screen and her mouth that is now hanging slightly open in shock. Her pale face is distorted in confusion and hurt.
I knew this day would come, I am not an idiot. I was just planning on it being on my own time when she was ready to hear it without hating me as a reaction.
Although I know she is a changed and slightly more confident person, I also know the news report is correct in saying she is not in the most stable of conditions. This news will tear her apart. I know that if she would give me the time to explain it would not seem bad, but I have also studied enought psychology to know how her mind is processing this right now. The similarities in actions will lead her to label me as just another Elias.
I cannot have that. I do not want her to see me as the same as the man who lead her to try to kill herseld. I do not want her to be afraid of me. It is my job to be there to comfort her, her rock through the storm, but that cannot happen if I created the storm.
"Cora... please, I can explain." I whisper once the news has switched stories. If only we had come a minute later.
"Luke, I really just want to leave." She manages to say after a few moments. I look right into her deep blue eyes and i can nearly feel my heart break into a million pieces as I recongnize her as the girl I first met at Safe Haven. She looks lost and empty and an unexplainably intense fear is embedded deep in her expression. I have lost her. I have lost the Cora that was on the road to recovery and she has been replaced with the Cora that Elias's crazed tendencies had turned her into.
"Okay, but really this is not at all what you-"
'I don't want to hear it right now. I just want to get out of here. If you have a problem with that I am perfeclty fine with walking home." She states and all emotion has left her voice. She has an icy cold tone that sends shards into my aching chest.
A lump forms in my throat but there is nothing I can do except nod and walk her to the apartment.
Cora's POV
I desperately try to hold back the tears that stream down my cheeks as I throw all of my belongings back in my suitcase.It took so much effort already to put the first item in. I do not want to leave Luke. I love him, and I will fianlly admit it, but now it is too late. He gave me the hope that there are guys out there in the world who are caring and could love a soul as broken and lost as mine. But it took me this long to realize he is just as broken and lost. He is a lost boy and I am a broken girl. The two could never be compatible. We both need someone stronger who can hold us up in hard times and keep us together. Not someone who is just as unstable.
I pull my sleev down and wipe visciously at my tear-stained cheeks willing them to stop. There is no use grieving over something that could have never worked in the first place. I am the patient and he is the care taker. It never could have been more, I tell myself mainly to try to ease the pain. It does not work.
Maybe it could have work had he not shown the same violence I had only seen Elias capable of. Maybe Luke is an Elias in disguise. It cannot be too long before he uses the same anger on me, and I do not want to be around when that happens. I want to be long gone and away from any good memories he could bring back that cause me to doubt myself.
I am going to leave here. I do not know where I will go, but I will find employment and earn enough money to rent some shitty apartment somewhere and start a new life. It will work if I really want it to, it will just take time. And I have all the time I need, right now all I need is for Luke to change rooms or go to the bathroom so I have a clear escape root.
"Cora, may I come in?" Luke knocks lightly on my door. I can hear the strain in his voice, and to my surprise I can tell he has been crying. I have only ever heard him cry once before.
My heart hurts and begs me to tell him yes he can. I need him and his comfort right now. But I know he is a timed bomb just waiting to explode at me. Just like Elias.
"No Luke." I muster my strongest voice to try to hide all emotions. I hear his footsteps pad away and then a door shuts which means he is not in the living room.
I inhale a deep breath and grab my suitcase with all of my things inside. I choke back all the tears as I softly tiptoe to the front door. I stay completely silet as I try my best to quietly creak open the door.
I make it out into the cool air that smells of ocean mist. I let out a sad sigh as I softly push the door shut and then walk as quickly as I can away from the apartment building and off to God knows where.
A/n so here is the update you have been waiting for! I know a lot of it is a recap which i thought might be useful after the long wait (which again I apologize a thousand times) but I hope you like this, and if you do please vote& comment and depending on the reaction I may update sooner or later... It gets harder since I am a junior this year and this year really hit me, but am I happy to make time if you like it(: Thanks xx
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