More Than Enough ⚀ [COMPLETED]

Chapter 21 Fresh Start

I wouldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I didn't work. It had been two weeks since the lost of my baby. The doctors admitted me into the hospital for observation. By me trying to kill myself, maybe this was what was best for me. My mental state was recked and I wanted nothing more than to die. I wanted to be with my baby.

Three days after the miscarriage, I was released from the hospital. Brad had been right there by my side everyday. He even worked from my house so he wouldn't have to leave me home alone. My mother and brothers came over constantly to check me. I was out of it.

Sometimes I was up and at other times I was down. This was one of those days where I was in between. One minute I was feeling ok and the next minute I was crying thinking about my baby all that had happened in such a short time. Brad felt confident that today was a good day. He left the house because he needed to make a run dealing with one of his businesses. It was something important and had to be there.

Hearing the baby cry or atleast I thought thats what I heard, I got out of the bed and went to the baby room that I had started to set up before the miscarriage. Nobody knew about it, not even Brad. It was supposed to be a surprise. When I got there, I didn't see the baby and I left the room realizing my precious little girl was gone. I went back downstairs and grabbed a knife from the kitchen and managed to make my way back to the baby room. When I went into the room I could hear my baby crying for me again. I sat in the rocking chair that was in there. There was a big white teddy bear that I got for the her. I held it in my arms and hugged and squeezed it tight while I cried. All I heard me saying was "if only I had listened." I took the knife and began to carve away at my flesh on one wrist and then the other. I cut four perfectly straight lines on each wrist. The four stood for the four months that my baby and I had together. Blood dripped from my wrist and a trail followed me back to the bed room. As soon as I sat down on the floor I heard the front door open. Brad walked in and saw the bear covered in blood.

He ran to my side with his phone in his hand screaming Alisha NO! He looked terrified, but it made me feel a release that I longed for since the day they told me my child didn't make it. He quickly took out his phone and called 911. I sat there looking in his eyes saying, "If only I had listened." I deserved to die because I killed my baby. Reality for me sat in when I thought of the "what if's" that consumed my mind as I sat doormat on the floor infront of Brad. His mouth was moving when I finally did look at him and I didn't understand a word that was coming out of it. The sound of the sirens in the distance snapped me out of the trace I was in. When I looked down and I saw all of the blood covering my wounds, my clothes, and the bear, I cried. How could I have lost control like this?

The sound of the ambulance filled my house. Instead of Brad leaving me again he picked me up and carried me to the foyer. He sat me in a chair so he could open the door for the paramedics. They rushed in and I looked up at him. He stood there in a trace like he had lost his bestfriend. He took a deep breath as he ran his hands through the little bush he had grown.