Outbreak! Virus 'M'

Chapter 6: Emotions

Bearer's POV

My mind is a mess. I can't get anything straight. It hurts. I stare at the ground in a daze. Everything blurs even more than usual. My glasses slowly slide down the bridge of my nose. I blink once and push them back up. I look up at a window. Sunlight filters in from it. Little dust particles are visible in the rays of the sun. My eyes lazily scan the window. On the sill are a few dead bugs and a live beetle crawling across it. How long has it been. A few days? Sad. I won't last. I'll probably die before the end of the month. I'm weak. Always have been. A single tear manages to slip out of my eye. It rolls down my cheek and drips off my chin. It lands on my hand with a silent plop. I blink once. I'm scared.

I leave the room and my emotions in it. Time to face the world. I take a deep breathe and walk down the hallway. I see my 'friends' sitting on the rug, laughing and smiling. I lean against a wall, halfway listing to their conversation. The other half was focusing on the sounds. Sounds from the outside world. My focus is disrupted my the guffaws of the group. I feel so out of place among them. I know I used to be the final puzzle piece. But not anymore. I'm an extra that is unnecessary. They're trying their hardest to find my place, but I am simply not part of this puzzle. It's final piece is long gone, along with my memories. I try my hardest not to cry.

Damnit. Emotions suck. I thought I would be able to keep them locked in that room, but now that I'm out in the open, they try their hardest to burst out. My eyes water up and my vision is yet again blurred. Everything is just a blob of colors. I manage to blink away the liquid, being careful not to let it spill. I look at them with envy. I wish I was one of them. One of the girls looks at me and shoots me a gentle, almost motherly smile. Her hair is short and an unnatural color. Kind of like a reddish brown. Obviously it was dyed. I somehow manage to return a slight smile by pulling the corners of my mouth up slightly. It hurts to smile, especially when it's fake.

She turns back to her friends and continues to talk and laugh. My forced smile disappears and is replaced with a straight line. I mustn't show my pain. They don't need to know. The day went by extremely fast, for a normal person. It went agonizingly slow for me. I didn't do anything. I hate it. I want to fit in, but they subconsciously won't allow it. They pity me. Since I don't have memories they treat me like I can't do anything. I hate it. I hate pity. All I can do is sit next to a window and watch them do whatever. They continue to raid the house and move stuff around. I don't get it, but whatever. I doesn't matter to me. I'm not worth it. Why. Why haven't they cast me out yet. Is it just because I have a familiar face? If they didn't know me before, would they still keep me here? I can't tell with these people. I want to talk to them and tell them how I feel, but they keep pushing me away without realizing it. I hate it. I want to die. While I'm lost in my thoughts, I pull my legs close to my chest. I rest my head between my knees and continue to think. I'm so deep into thought that I don't even realize the girl with suspenders sit next to me.

She sits silently for a second before putting a hand on my shoulder. I jump from the sudden contact and not knowing of her presence. She retreats her hand and quickly apologizes. I brush it off with a simple "it's fine." It's not fine. Nothing's fine. "Look, I get it. Everything is f*cked up." Yeah right, you don't even know the half of it. "And I know your going through some tough times" You don't know a god damn thing. "And your confused, scared, and maybe even upset." Just shut up. "I understand. "I said... "I understand all too well." Stop. "I've felt like that before." Just stop! "I was so lost." ...please... "I was also confused, scared, and very upset." ... stop ... "But then I met you." ... "You saved me." ... "You helped me out of my pit of despair." ... "You saved me from myself." ... I couldn't help it. Warm tears were now streaming down my face. I couldn't stop them. They just kept coming. Breathing backs difficult due to my nose clogging up. I was only left with sniffles and small gasps to get my oxygen.

"I want to repay you for what you did for me." My glasses had long since fallen off my face. Everything was blurry. "Since you saved me, I find it fitting for me to save you." I cover my face with my hands as full out sobs wracked my body. I was trembling and crying like a wreck. I was embarrassed to be seen like this, but at the same time, I felt a heavy weight being lifted off of my chest. I felt nice, to finally allow my emotions to burst forth without having to hide them away. The girl wrapped her arms around my frame and into a tight hug. I wrapped my own arms around her body. I cried and cried and cried. My sobbing continued on for an hour. By then my throat was raw from all the crying. My eyes were red and puffy. And nose was running like hell. My head was splitting open. I always got miserably painful headaches whenever I cried for too long. After trying to calm my breathing for a moment, I was able to resume my composure. I felt light headed. I'm not used to showing extreme emotions. I sigh and give the girl a genuine smile as I accept her help. She grins brightly as she gives me another hug, of which I return. In all honesty, I'm surprised no one else came in or interfered during all of that. It all may as well have been planned, but for the moment, I don't care. I just really need a nap after all that emotional bullsh*t. I knock out, in her warm embrace.

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