Shimmer *The Seattle Superheroes*

Chapter Twenty One: Somebody to Lean On

Chapter Twenty One: Somebody to Lean On

Seattle; July 3, 2010; 7:59 p.m.

Some people claim that they are afraid of heights, while others deny the fear. What is usually overlooked is how heights make you feel. Most people, when they look down even ten or so meters, feel a mild rush of dizziness. Some people like this feeling; it fills them with a sense of euphoria. Others feel nauseous and terrified by the sense of vertigo.

Shimmer was neither of these types. She was rather impassive towards high places, though she liked the expansive view they afforded her. Standing on top of the fifty-seven floors that made up the ISDA headquarters, it was good that she wasn't the second kind.

Everything is fine, she told herself. The team knows about Berlin—that's unfortunate. But let's not have another one here. She breathed in deeply. Branson is being an ass, what's new? Don't let it get to you.

After standing on the edge of the roof for five minutes, giving herself a mental pep-talk, Shimmer had reduced the sparks to a few stray bits of light in her mess of red hair.

What Cane had said had resonated with a fear deep inside of her—the fear of being a danger. Of course, she knew that she was a dangerous woman, but the thought that she could hurt innocent people left her terrified. From the moment she had woken up in the Egyptian dessert, she had known that she wanted—needed—to help people, but could it be that her help came with too high a risk? Even if she saved ten people a day, could that make up for the possibility of her losing control again? She had taken every precaution she could think of to keep her emotions under control. She knew how far she could let them go, how much she could allow herself to feel before turning them off again. Hours and hours of meditation had taught her how to push away the anger and sadness in just a few moments if she had to, but lately she was finding herself at that edge more often than she would like. On top of that, after Berlin, Shimmer had told herself to keep her attachments to people short and civil. She couldn't risk the pain of losing someone she loved again. But here she was, letting herself grow close to people again, people who had every probability of being hurt. She scolded herself for her foolishness, but she couldn't push away the feelings.

I could always leave, she ventured. It would be more difficult to stop SEEL alone, but at least it would be safe. Her heart ached at the thought of being alone again. The sparks reappeared. Dammit! She thought. Now look where you've gotten yourself!

She couldn't leave, not right then anyways. If she left, the team would continue fighting SEEL without her, and so still be in danger. There was still the possibility that she would be present when something went wrong, and she couldn't guarantee that she would have distanced herself enough from them not to lose control. She would stay, then, for a while, at least. If she was there, she would be another barrier between the team and danger. She wouldn't let what happened to Shelby happen again; she wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

Just as she made up her mind to stay, she heard the faint hiss of the well-greased roof access door opening. Whoever it was didn't say anything to her, but she heard their footsteps approaching. Each time they lifted a foot, it faintly scuffed the tarmac.

Grant, she thought at him.

"Hey, Shimmer," he said out loud. He stopped a few steps behind her. "How long before you think someone will call you in as a suicide risk?" he half-joked, referring to her position perched on top of the lip of the roof.

Shimmer smiled, her back still to him. "It's a nice view," she said, looking out at the city.

"Yeah," he said, coming up beside her.