Is Phan Real?

Chapter 6

 I get to the door hoping that Phil isn't there waiting for me. He isn't and I sigh in relief as I head straight to my room and close the door behind me. I don't know why I felt the way I did when I seen her with someone else. I can't believe I had the nerve to basically put her on blast. I didn't agree to meet her just to catch up it was because I still had feelings for her. The thing is I don't even remember having any sort of attraction to her. I must have suppressed that because I knew I was going to quit university. I really do like her and now I don't know how to even deal with these feelings.

Phil knocks on the door and I let him in.

"What did you end up buying" he asks as he takes a seat on my desk chair while spinning around a bit,

"I decided to just get coffee, but I obviously couldn't go to the one by our apartment. I didn't feel like walking any further so I came back instead. My legs already feel sore from that walk."

"Wow Dan you know we could have just made some. Plus I thought you were going to the store not to get coffee. You also seem a bit off lately" he says and puts his feet down to stop spinning.

If I knew it wouldn't hurt him I would tell him the truth, but something tells me he wouldn't like it. We've been best friends for years and I've never lied to him like this before.

"What do you mean? Of course I feel off we haven't been doing any videos or live shows lately and we were supposed to work on new merch. We can't just hang around all the time; we're not teens anymore."

Phil's face immediately frowned and he spun around so he wouldn't have to face me.

He took a moment to think before he responded, "We don't have anything to worry about right now. We've wrote two books and just got off tour Dan. If it's money you're worried about we'll be fine."

"It's not the money I'm worried about it's our viewers. Some of these people count on us to make videos that will make them smile and that's what I care about more than anything. We've met so many of them that said that we saved their lives."

He still hadn't faced me yet when he starts, "We have to take care of ourselves too. I feel like we've been draining ourselves in this youtube world and not moving forward in our personal lives at all. I don't know about you, but I want a real relationship and not constantly be in the friend zone."

"What are you talking about? Were you trying to date someone?" The thought made my heart sink and I can't understand why. Phil has always been my best friend, but we really hadn't had any kind of romantic relationship since we started YouTube. Maybe because I've never pictured Phil dating before is why I'm feeling a bit off.

He doesn't respond and heads out avoiding eye contact as he slams the door shut behind him.

(Phil's POV)

I plop myself on the bed. This has been the first time I ever hinted about wanting to be more than friends, but he still doesn't get it. He really thinks that I would want to date someone else like are you kidding me? If he doesn't get it by this summer I'm going to have to move away. I'm never going to be able to get over him if I have to be around him like this constantly.

I also don't know how I'm going to explain to our viewers or if I'm even going to. We've never been open about any of our personal lives for the sake of our families. They'll notice when we start only posting solo gaming videos and when Phil is not on fire 9 never gets uploaded. We would slowly stop going to events and making videos together. Eventually it would be like the past few years didn't happen. I don't believe I could ever truly forget him. I would have to quit Twitter, stop doing live shows, and disable comments. I already know everyone would keep asking what happened and I can't tell them the truth. Knowing Dan he could avoid it and continue being a part of the YouTube community. I on the other hand feel like I might have to stop making videos after all these years of hard work.

This just makes me think of what I would do if I didn't decide to start making videos. I always wanted to be a weatherman, but that's not in any way possible. I could probably live with the money I'm making now if I start saving. The thought of quitting YouTube never came to me until now and it's all because I can't tell my best friend the truth.