Is Phan Real?

Chapter 8

Our bodies lay naked under the covers and in this moment I truly believe I was given a second chance at this.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't stop myself. You were just too cute and I..." her voice trails off.

"You don't have to be sorry. You were also very pretty and I didn't try stopping myself either."

"Was this your first time?"

The room filled with silence when I hesitated to answer. I could feel myself getting embarrassed.

"Yes, what about you" I say faintly and returning the question.

"No."

"Oh well uhm I hope I didn't disappoint you."

"No need to worry you didn't. Honestly all I wanted was to be close to you. You were my first crush."

"You were mine too" I say sitting up.

"Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, I should probably go. I don't want to keep you up any later."

"I'm okay with you keeping me up."

"Yeah I'd really like to stay and hang out, but I don't have any clothes for tomorrow."

"I don't mind" she says playfully.

"How about I head home and grab some clothes and I'll come back?"

"I'd like that"I get up and pull on my clothes that are scattered around the room and head out. The walk back home didn't take me that long this time. I unlock the door quickly and rush over the room. I gather clothes from my clean pile that I never folded and stuff them in my travel bag along with other essentials. As I'm about to escape the room I hear Phil call my name faintly. All I want to do is get out of here with no social interaction like usual,

"Dan? I want to talk to you about something."

He seemed to be still in his room so I scurry out towards the door.

"Dan" he repeats. I can hear his voice closer and he's standing right behind me. This time I can't avoid him.

"What? You're not going to try to interrogate me again right?" I ask turning to face him.

(Phil's POV)

I can see he has his travel backpack with him and it makes me wonder where he's planning on going. I can't bring myself to ask him.

"Nothing, nevermind. I'll talk to you when you get back."

I watch as he slams the door behind him like he was annoyed with me wasting his time. I know he's hiding something from me and I'm going to find out. It's like something took over my body when I head straight to Dan's room and open his laptop. It seemed like I was one of those obsessive girls who stalk their boyfriends. I knew I could view his text messages and without thinking I open the window and my heart immediately sank. Alexis is the name in the most recent conversation, I wasn't prepared to open the texts, but I also couldn't stop myself from scrolling up. They've been hanging out and he never told me about it. I sit back in the desk chair, close the window and the laptop.

"Alexis" I repeat the name in my head trying to remember where I heard the name from. I finally figure it out after several moments. She was the girl Dan had talked about after he quit University. I remember him saying how she was one of his only friends before he met me. Her last name pops into my head and I rush over to my laptop and search the name on facebook. The pictures look nothing like the girl he showed me. I continue looking through her photos and eventually find the exact one he showed me. She looks like a whole different person now, but why would Dan be seeing her behind my back?

"She's just a friend right" I kept repeating the question in my head hoping to convince myself that there's nothing else going on. Nothing in the conversation suggested otherwise. I was finally able to calm myself down and sign out of facebook.

It wasn't like I could talk to just anyone about this. I had to keep my feelings and problems to myself. I don't know how much longer I can last being in the shadows of Dan's life. Sometimes I wonder why I still do YouTube when Dan is obviously more popular than me. Maybe I did help him too much, but it felt so good to see him succeed in something he was so passionate about because of me.

I can't just keep thinking like this and doing nothing with my life. The next time I see him I'm going to tell him how I really feel. I don't care what secret he's been hiding I'm going to do whatever I can to make him change his mind.

I didn't think it would be that long until I seen him, but I was completely wrong. He must have stuffed a lot more clothes in that bag than I thought. In the last two weeks I could have done so much, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I hear the door start to unlock and as I'm about to confess when he calls my name, "Phil? There's something I have to tell you"

I head over to the entrance to meet him, "What?"

"Well there's something I've been hiding and I think it's only right to finally tell you the truth."

His voice seemed a bit softer than usual like he was scared to tell me, but at the same time he seemed to be really happy. Was he going to tell me he likes me? That's all I could ever ask for.

" I've been dating someone and I know I should have told you before, but I didn't think it would have gotten this serious being the loser that I am."

He says the word dating so loosely like it's a normal thing for him to go out with someone.

"Oh okay I was kinda wondering where you've been lately. I've been needing help filming some videos and I didn't want to bother you."

"Oh I'm sorry well now that I'm here I can help you."

"No thanks I don't need your help anymore" I respond trying not to sound rude.

"Okay then I'm just going to get to my room now. If you could move over that would be great."

It took every bit of me to keep myself together before running straight to my room. My world had been crushed right before my eyes. Dan the boy who I've loved for years now loves someone else. I'm never going to get him, never. The thought keeps ringing in the back of my head and I can't help but let out the tears.

(Dan's POV)

I guess I did sound a bit rude when I told him to move over, but we always do that to each other. I could also hear something like crying from his room. Should I check on him? Is he mad that I'm dating? Maybe it's better to not bother him.

I'm stuck in my room again for another month and it's the hottest time of the year.
This room is too stuffy so I decide to pack again and head to Alexis's apartment. It's not like Phil would care if I was gone.

When I get to her house she seemed to be upset on the couch crying.

"What's wrong" I ask concerned.

"What do you mean what's wrong? Like you don't already know."

"I have no idea what you're talking about" I say taking a seat next her.

"Just look" she says handing me her phone. Pictures of me looking at Phil with "heart eyes".

"You know this isn't real right? It's just creative."

"You're just using me to cover up your relationship with Phil" she says between breaths.

"No, that's not true at all. I don't like Phil like that I'm not gay."

"Explain this then" she grabs the phone out of my hand to show me another picture. A screenshot of me saying that I'm bi from an old profile I had.

"That's not even me someone photoshopped it."

"Explain all the stories about you and Phil. What about all the videos of you and him being so close. I'd be a fool if I thought it wasn't real. You're blind to who you really love Dan."

"If I seriously would have been with Phil I would have never even dated you. I would never use someone like that. It's not okay for you to accuse me like that. It's the internet what do you expect?"

I'm about to storm out when she repeats herself this time without tears running down her cheeks, "You're blind to who you really love Dan".